Love and Betrayal
by Yenny
Summary: [RuHana/HanaRu] {Completed} A secret, a dark past, and a past love... Could Hanamichi handle all of those? What would Rukawa do? Read and Find out....
1. The Prelude

LOVE AND BETRAYAL  
  
Kaede Rukawa  
  
&  
  
Hanamichi Sakuragi  
  
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Authors Disclaimers/Notes:  
  
1. None of the SD Characters are mine.  
2. I am not a professional writer... just starting out in fact...  
3. Places, names, and other trademarks used in this fan fiction are as is... fictional. If for some reason you know any of them...please don't sue me.  
4. I am sorry for any foul words or vehement reactions that might cause discomfort to some of the readers. Sorry for any discrepancies or inconsistence along the storyline...  
5. Descriptions of the characters or the places might not be accurate. Sorry.  
6. The pairings or the characters you might read might be out of character in some instances.  
7. English is not my primary language... Please pardon spelling mistakes as well as grammatical errors.  
8. I suck in endings and descriptions.  
9. For any other reactions... please feel free to comment... anytime...  
  
email: dbrrk@yahoo.com  
  
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{} = Places  
  
[] = Thoughts  
  
"" = Speaking  
  
^^ = Author's notes  
  
= others ...  
  
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PART 1: THE PRELUDE  
  
{Kanagawa University - inside one of the dorms}  
  
Something or someone is caressing his face, causing him to rouse up from his sated slumber. His classmates have known of his habit of knocking anyone senseless with his punch, whenever he is woken from his precious sleep. But this time it's different; it's not like other times, where he would automatically carry his punishment for those who disturb his precious habit. It was the feeling that emitted from that caress that stopped him, the love and tenderness he felt, and he knew too well what would be waiting for him when he opened his eyes. Slowly as if in a dream, his gaze is met with a pair of the most beautiful and expressive brown eyes he has ever seen. "Good Morning Hana". Rukawa greeted with a slight smile grazing his normally stoic and cold expressionless face.  
  
"Good morning Kaede" Sakuragi said, leaning forward and kissing the fox-eyed boy on his lips. It was suppose to be a chaste kiss but soon turned passionate. Rukawa wound his arms around Sakuragi's neck and kissed him passionately until they both parted for air. Rukawa would have liked to continue kissing his redhead but the latter is slowly unwinding his arms around his neck and with a smirk said "You better get up Kaede or we'll be late for school." Sakuragi remained sitting beside his raven head lover and stared as the other is grumpily trying to haul himself off from a lying position.  
  
The redhead caught his breath as the blanket that covered his lover, slowly slid down his torso in a provocative manner, thus exposing the skin that he so dearly love to kiss and torment. Pushing those thoughts away, Sakuragi studied the guy before him, still sleepy and disheveled but even then, Sakuragi is still in awe at how the kitsune could look so handsome and beautiful at the same time, even from just waking up. He wondered how he has ever missed it. [But not now, he's here and I can stare all I want.] Smiling inwardly, he resisted the urge to kiss those red lips once again.  
  
"Can't we just skip school even for just today?" questioned Rukawa while stifling a yawn.  
  
Shaking his head in amazement, "Nope we can't. You know we can't afford to be lax with our studies. This is college. Besides Gori will have our hides if we flunk it. So get up already."  
  
Rukawa, still yawning, slowly shifted on the bed to reach and hug Sakuragi by the waist. Nuzzling the side of his Hana's neck, he muttered, "You smell good. Hmmnnnn, You've already showered?! Why didn't you wake me up earlier so I could join you?" questioned the still sleepy guy.  
  
"Then we would definitely be late for school", chuckled the redhead.  
  
"Hmmnnn, wanna join me then?" Rukawa asked, while slowly trailing kisses all over his face. At this rate he would need to take that shower again, just to clean himself.  
  
"Gosh kitsune you're insatiable!"  
  
Resisting the urge to agree, Sakuragi hugged his lover closer to him and with a calculated move, heaved himself off the bed along with Rukawa. Dragging someone who is tenderly nuzzling and biting the tender flesh on your neck, not to mention naked above the waist, is not an easy task to do. Thus, Sakuragi is having a hard time ignoring a portion of his body that is slowly responding to that provocative display of affection. Rukawa slightly chuckled upon noticing the redhead's growing state; he then gently sucked a portion of Sakuragi's neck, which left a mark. "My mark of possession", he muttered.  
  
Upon reaching the bathroom door, Sakuragi slowly disentangled himself from Rukawa, turned the guy and shoved him inside the bathroom. Peering through the mirror just beside the bathroom's door, Sakuragi exclaimed, "Kitsune, I told you a thousand times never to leave a mark where people can see! You know how I hate being teased. Especially by Mitchy and Ryochin." The only answer he received inside was of the shower tapped being slowly turned. "Stupid Kitsune!" [Now how am I suppose to cover this up?]  
  
He went out of Rukawa's bedroom and headed to his room to look for something suitable to cover it. [Hmnn, maybe a scarf would do?] Wounding a scarf around his neck, he inspected himself through the mirror, "Yup that'll do." Satisfied. He went to the living room and waited for Rukawa to finish preparing.  
  
Minutes later, Rukawa emerged from his bedroom all fresh and yummy to look at. He is slightly surprised to see Sakuragi wearing a scarf. A scarf that was given by Haruko, nonetheless. Frowning, "Why are you wearing that `aho?"  
  
"Isn't it neat? It covered that mark that you just gave me." Sakuragi replied with a grin.  
  
"And why would you wanna cover it up? Are you ashamed or embarrassed to let the others know who did it or that you have it?" Rukawa probed, slowly feeling irritated.  
  
"No it's not that, but Mitchy and Ryochin will tease me again!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"So? Aarghh, there's no reasoning with you. Ok, lemme explain things clearer to you. I don't want the others to tease me coz' I know it will just lead to bickering and fights, which might probably earn me a gorilla punch on my head again. Then, I'd get all hyper and mad that I will loose my concentration. I need not to loose my concentration today, Kaede. Today, we play our practice game against the other University and I don't want to mess up. I want to show Ken-san that he could trust me to fill Gori's or Hanagata's shoes."  
  
Hearing how his Hana-kun has called their captain, he can't help the rush of blood sky rocketing to his brain, "Don't call him that".  
  
Taken aback with the irritated tone, Sakuragi could only mutter, "Huh? Call who what?"  
  
"Don't call Fujima that way." He snapped.  
  
"What..." stammered the redhead. Confused by his lover's rather vehement reaction. He looked up to peek at Rukawa's expression and found that he has that cold front back in full gear. "But Ken-san insisted that I call him that. No need to ire our new captain by not following his requests. I don't want another Gori in college you know."  
  
Sakuragi resisted the urge to laugh when he saw his lover's face show the familiar signs of jealousy. Chuckling to himself at how he could make the kitsune jealous, he slowly turned and was reaching for the door when suddenly... a hand is firmly clamped on his shoulder, turned him around and was shocked to find blue eyes so near his own and familiar lips fused tightly into his.  
  
Rukawa is kissing the redhead with fervor, fueled by the knowledge that his Hana is deliberately trying to provoke something in him. Sensing Sakuragi's response, Rukawa left his lips, unwound the scarf, and continued the assault along his jaw towards his neck and gently bit the mark he left earlier and licked the same spot. "Kaede, stop, I .... We ...mmmmm.... need to go. It's getting late". Sakuragi softly pleaded. Already moaning and getting slowly aroused under Rukawa's actions. Rukawa's hands are now roaming the redhead's back with familiar ease.  
  
Rukawa lifted his head, looked straight into chocolate brown hazy eyes and said, "You're mine Hanamichi, remember that. Stay away from Fujima!"  
  
Shocked. Sakuragi was rooted to the spot. He has never before heard such a serious possessive tone coming from the ice prince himself. He has suspicions that his lover might indeed be slightly jealous of the attention he was getting from their captain, but not to the extent of Rukawa staking his claim on him this way. Smiling softly to his dark haired lover, he leaned forward and softly kissed Rukawa before saying, "How about you Kaede, are you mine?"  
  
Sakuragi, eyes closed with his forehead against the other, waited for an answer. When none came, he wriggled out from the embrace and went past Rukawa to stride purposely into his room, muttering that he forgot to get something.  
  
Locking the door behind him, Sakuragi let out a sigh and was surprised to feel tears gathering around his eyes. "I love you Kaede". How he wished he could say it out loud. How he wished that he could hear the same coming from his lover. But it is not so, not now maybe but someday. Maybe when both of them are ready to face each other truthfully, maybe then. Something is holding both of them back from committing to each other fully. [I guess, all I can ask is for you to understand me for now, Kaede, I need time. Someday I'll make you understand.] With that in mind, he brushed away the tears and went back to the living room.  
  
Rukawa is still standing on the same spot. He did not move. He couldn't. He was shocked that he could say those words out loud. He is jealous, insanely so. He has this feeling that in some weird way, their new captain has acquired a liking towards his redhead. Yes HIS redhead. He knows that he has no right to demand such a commitment from Hana, [not yet anyway]. But he can't help the fear, which grips his heart every time he thinks that his Hana will be taken away from him. Forcefully or otherwise. Hearing the door clicked shut, he knew that Hanamichi did not want him to follow. Yet he couldn't, even if he wanted to. He's not ready, yet. Not ready to tell him, to explain. Thus, he still can't say those words. Yet they are there, deep inside his heart. Always have, always will be. "Hana, please wait." He softly prayed. "One day, I will. When I have gathered enough courage to tell you the truth."  
  
Hearing the bedroom door opened, Rukawa hastily schooled himself. Gathered his things and followed the redhead when he went past him to open the door.  
  
{Inside an Airplane}  
  
Akira Sendoh, former star player of Ryonan high, is coming back to Kanagawa after undergoing special basketball training for 6 months in the US. In his hand is a letter from his former teammate, Hikoichi Aida.  
  
Sendoh-san,  
  
How have you been? Hope basketball training is going well... Us here at the university are doing fine also. Our team is scheduled to have a practice game against the team from Kanagawa University next week. Coach is training us well and Maki-senpai is anxious that we do well in this training or else we might loose the game. Their team is strong Sendoh-san, especially now that they have Kaede Rukawa and Hanamichi Sakuragi joining their team. After you left those two seemed to be working well together and their bickerings stopped. I heard from a former Shohoku student that they might be going out together. I saw them one time and would you believe that Rukawa Kaede actually smiled? He did! We were surprised, Koshino-senpai and I. I guess all it took for the ice to break is fire like Sakuragi-san, ne? Anyway, Koshino-senpai sends his regards and hope that after you finish training you'll join our university and we could be together again. Just like old times.  
  
Hikoichi   
  
Folding the letter, Sendoh looked outside the window with a determined glint in his deep blue eyes. His normally smiling face holds no mirth; instead it is replaced by a scowl. His heart is being torn into pieces, remembering what Hikoichi wrote;  
  
Rukawa Kaede actually smiled   
  
All it took for the ice to break is fire like Sakuragi-san   
  
[Smiled. Kaede smiled. You have never smiled for me Kaede. Was it always for him? I know that you said it's over, but I never take things lying down. I'll get you back Kaede; I'll make you forget your obsession, once and for all. I'll take you with me, back in America.] 


	2. How it all Began

1 LOVE and BETRAYAL  
  
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{} = Places  
  
[] = Thoughts  
  
"" = Speaking  
  
^^ = Author's notes  
  
= others …  
  
1.1 PART 2: HOW IT ALL BEGAN  
  
{Kanagawa University – Sports Hall}  
  
"Where is that baka redhead?!"  
  
"Now now Akagi, you know how Sakuragi is, he'll be here".  
  
"But the game is about to start in an hour and he has yet to show up for his warm ups!"  
  
Kogure just smiled at his former captain. Turning his head he asked, "Rukawa, would you know where Sakuragi is right now?"  
  
"No." Rukawa replied with a shrug and continued practicing his already perfect 3-point shots. He did not know where the redhead is. After this morning, they've split up to go to their respective classes. He has not seen him since. He does not want to admit it, but he is worried that something is bothering Sakuragi after their conversation. But what?  
  
"Don't worry Akagi, we can win this game without that idiot anyway", Mitsui snorted.  
  
^Kanagawa team is mostly composed of former Shohoku players and Shoyo players, with Fujima as captain and Akagi as co-captain. This year, two more players from Shohoku joined them, Rukawa and Sakuragi, freshmen again.^  
  
"No, I want him to play today". Fujima admonished. "I want to see how he can match up with the other teams' players. Maki's team is getting stronger each year and he has most of Kainan's former players as well as Ryonan's. All they lack is Sendoh; we'll have a hard time defeating them. I need to make him fit to play up to par with them. We can't just rely on Akagi and Hanagata all the time. Besides he's proven time and time again that he is a fast learner."  
  
"Is that why you are giving him personal trainings, Fujima-senpai?" teased Miyagi.  
  
"I ah…." Fujima blushing, stammered. He doesn't know if that's the only reason. He admits that he needs Sakuragi to improve his skills more but, is that really the only reason?  
  
[Darn that Miyagi. Why am I blushing anyway? Ok, so maybe I do like him, but….] Cutting his thoughts, Fujima looked up and is met with a glare from eyes the coldest shade of blue. Knowing what's behind that look, he strode towards the taller boy and said, "don't worry Rukawa, I only want to train him, for now". Fujima can't help but add.  
  
As a retort, Rukawa threw the ball he is holding to his captain, which the latter caught with ease, and said "I'll teach the `aho. Stay away from him". Rukawa turned and went to pick up another ball and return to practice. Ignoring the surprise expressions of the others.  
  
"Hey Ayako, did anything happen after we graduate?" asked a bewildered Kogure.  
  
"Well, we noticed that Rukawa's attitude towards Sakuragi changed in someway at the latter part of their junior year, and I guessed things did progress to the next level after we graduated."  
  
"Yeah, we thought that he just gave up fighting with Hanamichi. Who would have thought that he might actually like that baka?" added Miyagi. "Just imagine, sometime ago they can't stand each other, let alone be together. But look at them now. They became each others' shadow." He added with a chuckle.  
  
Shaking her head in remembrance, "Sakuragi seemed to be surprised at first but later on, he accepted what was purposely thrown in his face by Rukawa. You won't believe the gossip they generated."  
  
"You mean to say that Rukawa made the move on Sakuragi?" asked a shocked Mitsui.  
  
"Yes, I believe he made the first move." Ayako remarked as she watched Rukawa shot a perfect lay-up.  
  
*** Flashback ***  
  
"Nice work you guys, that was a great game." Tapping her juniors' shoulders with her fan lightly.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha, now you know that the Tensai is really great, Ayako-san."  
  
"Do'aho! It was not you alone who helped the team win, you know."  
  
Sakuragi exclaimed, "Nani, Kitsune? Do you still doubt my ability?"  
  
"Great game, guys."  
  
"Sendoh, what are you doing here? Came to admit that the Tensai has finally beaten you?"  
  
"Ma Ma Sakuragi, I just want to ask if you want to join me later for a quick drink?"  
  
Sakuragi's jaw dropped. So did the rest of the Shohoku team, except for a certain someone who is wearing an expression that is similar to irritation. Everyone is wondering, why Ryonan's ace star player is asking their loudmouth redhead for a … date?  
  
"Aah, Sendoh, are you sure you want Sakuragi here to join you for a drink?" Ayako can't help asking.  
  
"Why, is there a problem, Ayako-chan?" inquired Sendoh.  
  
"No, but…."  
  
"Well, Sakuragi, are you coming?" Sendoh said with that usual sunny smile plastered all over his face. Sensing that Sakuragi has gone zombie on him, [I am sorry Sakuragi, but I have to do this. A deal is a deal. I can't back out now], Sendoh used the oldest trick in the book to rouse the boy.  
  
Turning to Ayako, "I guess you won't have any problem, Ayako-chan, Sakuragi seems to be afraid to share a drink with me anyway."  
  
Hearing those words, Sakuragi at once has snapped, "What!? I'll go. I am not afraid of you Sendoh Akira."  
  
Smiling, "Yosh, let's go then, Sakuragi. Unless anyone else wants to join us?"  
  
"I'll go."  
  
Every head turned towards the source of that voice, "What are you up to kitsune?" Sakuragi asked, but all he received was a cold glare from his rival.  
  
"Ok then, the more the merrier. Let's go Rukawa." Sendoh cheerfully led the two juniors out of the gym, leaving a stunned crowd behind.  
  
*** End Flashback ***  
  
"Definitely, Rukawa." Ayako ended. "I wonder if that night had changed him…?"  
  
Listening to Ayako, Fujima can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy shot through him, but if Hana-chan is happy, then so be it. [I don't think I have a chance anyway. Why of all people do I have to fall for someone already taken?] Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, suddenly he heard someone exclaimed, "Unbelievable!"  
  
"Hikoichi!!"  
  
"Hello." A smiling Hikoichi greeted them. Obviously overhearing what the group was just talking about.  
  
Slightly irritated with the "soon-to-be-reporter" player, Fujima gave a nod to the newcomer and said, "You are still as nosy as ever, Hikoichi. So where're your team mates?"  
  
"Maki-san and the other players are in the changing room. We met Hanagata- san on the way here and he showed us were we could change", supplied Hikoichi.  
  
"Darn, he is late!"  
  
"Well Akagi, it seems that you and Hanagata have to play the first half and then see if Hana-chan can play in the second. Ok people hustle up, we have less than 30 minutes till game time."  
  
Hearing their captain, the players changed into their respective jerseys. Minutes later, the sports hall is filled with players on both sides, trying out different shots and doing their warm ups. 10 minutes till game time, still no redhead.  
  
**************************************************************************** ************  
  
Resting on the bench, Rukawa is trying to think of any plausible reason for the lateness of his redhead. It is not that he's never been late. But after they've been assigned captain and co-captain of Shohoku in their final year, Sakuragi has never missed a practice or a game, let alone be late! He has gotten serious with basketball. Both of them would normally stay a little later than the rest of the team to continue practice. Sometimes he would teach his Hana some new moves or just play a game of one- on-one. He hates to admit it, but Hana is definitely improving. If it had not been for his rigorous training during summer at the all Japan team training camp, he thinks that the self-proclaimed 'tensai' might actually equal or surpass him someday.  
  
Smiling a little, he remembered the last summer that he had to go, before entering the university;  
  
*** Flashback ***  
  
[Kaede's apartment]  
  
The living room is bathe with a romantic glow, lights dimmed, soft music in the background and two bodies entwined together can be seen lying on the couch. The taller of the two is cradling his dark haired lover on top of him, arms protectively wrapped around the other like a blanket.  
  
"Kaede, next summer, I'll make sure to accompany you to that all Japan team training. You've been going there since our freshman years. What have you been doing there anyway?" Sakuragi whispered in his ear, which makes him feel all tingly inside.  
  
"Training what else? Do'aho". Kaede can't help the warm feeling inside his heart with the knowledge that his Hana wants to go with him. He'll miss him for sure. He has been going there for 3 consecutive years. The first time was bearable since he was still oblivious to what he's feeling for his "hated" rival. The second time, he was reluctant to go but forced by circumstances, he needed to. Besides he has not yet garnered the courage to confess his "new found feelings", for fear of being rejected. Bu this time, if not for Anzai-sensei's advice that he needs to finish this to improve himself, he would not leave his 'new' adorable 'boyfriend' behind. Rukawa took Hana's hands in his and entwined their fingers. Bringing one close to his mouth, he gently nipped one finger after the other. Wanting more, he slowly shifted his weight, turned himself so that he is face to face with the guy beneath him and gave him a smile, which made the latter catch his breath for the sheer beauty of it.  
  
"Well you better be, don't go smiling at anyone else but me ok? Give them the famous cold stare that is Rukawa Kaede instead". Hanamichi said with a slight smile, while slowly trailing a finger along those smiling lips. But his expressive brown eyes convey his fears of being left behind, of missing his kitsune for the whole summer. [What if he finds somebody else? What if he won't miss me?]  
  
Rukawa, not being as dense as his 'aho, knows what's really worrying his boyfriend. Deep blue eyes stared straight into brown inquisitive ones and said in all seriousness, "I WILL miss YOU Hana. I WILL come back. To YOU. Promise", and ever so tenderly, he assured his worried lover with a kiss, meant to seal that promise. Sometime that night, two figures can be seen heading towards the bedroom, still in lip lock, to share a wonderful and passionate night together, finally consummating their newfound relationship.  
  
*** End Flashback ***  
  
Still engrossed in his happy memories, he missed seeing the knowing smiles Mitsui and Kogure exchanged. "I guess Ayako and Miyagi were right, he did change."  
  
"An improvement. Just to see his face turn from that cold mask he usually wears to this soft and thoughtful expression he now has is enough proof. I guess, under that cold exterior is a person also capable of caring for someone. Even if it's that baka."  
  
"Sashi-kun, others also said the same thing to me when I fell for you, you know." Kogure playfully answered.  
  
Mitsui almost did a double take and would have answered something when suddenly; he noticed a deafening silence fell inside the sports hall. Turning towards the direction of almost everyone's eyesight. He heard someone shouted, "Sendoh-san!"  
  
Rukawa's head jerked up at the mention of that name. He was totally unaware of his surroundings until someone mentioned that name. [No, this can't be. I am not yet ready.] 


	3. Revelation

{} = Places  
  
[] = Thoughts  
  
"" = Speaking  
  
^^ = Author's notes  
  
= others …  
  
1.1 PART 3: REVELATION  
  
"Hi guys sorry for being late!" greeted a rather sheepish Sakuragi as he made his way to his teammates. Passing by the other team's bench on the way, he was surprised to see a spiky looking hairdo, knowing only one person who sports that weird hairstyle, he stopped midway and greeted the taller player. "Oi Sendoh… haven't seen you around. How have you been?"  
  
Sendoh was quite surprised at how Sakuragi has greeted him. Something has changed him and he knew just 'who' it was. "Just fine Sakuragi, I just came from America. I was offered a basketball scholarship there by one of the colleges."  
  
"Really? Rukawa also got an offer after we graduated but he turned it down. [Stupid kitsune] But don't get me wrong, he can still beat you anytime." He proudly said of his kitsune.  
  
"I know. I was the one who recommended him to my coach."  
  
"HUH?" Said a surprised Sakuragi. He had often wondered why Rukawa did not take the scholarship.  
  
*** Flashback ***  
  
"But Kaede, it's a great opportunity." Questioned a confused redhead to his boyfriend for the 2nd time that night.  
  
"Yeah I know. But I am not accepting it." Stated an already sleepy Rukawa lying on his side of the bed.  
  
Not really understanding why, the redhead persisted on his line of questioning, "but why?"  
  
"Should there be a reason, 'aho?"  
  
"Yes and don't call me 'aho!" exclaimed a slightly irritated Sakuragi.  
  
Frustrated of not being able to sleep, he turned to his boyfriend and said, "Well, if you must know… I did not accept it coz' I don't want to be away from you." He smiled when he saw his lover blushed at that remark. [Cute] Raising his head and leaning forward, he gently nipped his Hana's nose and proceeded on kissing those waiting red lips. He felt Hana wound his arms around his neck, tugging him closer to deepen the kiss. The letter of scholarship dropped to the floor and completely forgotten.  
  
***** End Flashback ****  
  
Sakuragi's face burned from the memory and was only brought back to the present when a hand was casually placed on his shoulders. "Oi, are you awake? You've gone completely blank for a while."  
  
Shrugging the hand, "nah, just remembering something. So what made you come back? Training over already?"  
  
"I came back to reclaim something of mine. My training can wait, this can't"  
  
"So you're gonna play with them?" Points towards the bench where the majority of former Ryonan players were.  
  
"Yup, I am."  
  
"Well, good luck. Hope you get what you came for." Sakuragi waved and then turned to run to his teammates. He can see steam coming from Akagi's head already.  
  
"I intend to Sakuragi." Came the soft reply.  
  
*********************************  
  
Upon reaching their bench, "Where have you been?" asked Akagi.  
  
Sakuragi thanked the gods that Gori has stopped his habit of pouncing him. "I've just been in one of my make-up classes and I am not that late, Gori."  
  
"Hana-chan, please change into your jersey. I need you to play at once. No time for warm-ups."  
  
"Don't worry Ken-san, I have run all the way from class. I am already wearing my jersey." He proved it by removing his college uniform and showed the jersey underneath. He then strode towards the bench to drop his bag. Nearing the bench, he saw a weird expression crossing the pale face of the fox-eyed boy sitting alone. Bending down so he could peer closer he asked, "What's wrong Kaede?"  
  
Witnessing the exchange between his ex and present lover, Rukawa had to restrain himself from walking towards the two to drag his Hana away from Sendoh as far as possible. He has not seen nor talked to Sendoh since he had broken up with him. That was like almost a year ago, months before he was able to confess his feelings to his redhead. But Hana does not know anything about Sendoh or their past, that's why he is kinna suspicious of his ex's arrival at Kanagawa. Looking at those warm chestnut eyes calmed his racking nerves somehow, reaching forward; he playfully tapped the nose below those brown eyes and said, "Nothing. Just wondering where you were 'aho."  
  
"Ok you two game time. Time to show us what the two of you have done in your senior year." Ayako said.  
  
Smiling, "Come kitsune, let's show them what we've got. Besides you have smiley to beat today." Both rose to their feet and went towards the center of the court to join their teammates.  
  
The game was going very well. Each team playing like a cohesive unit, since most of the players inside were former teammates. Sakuragi is still king of rebound and his shooting skills have improved a lot. Looking at Rukawa, Ayako can't help but be impressed on how the guy manages to improve so much. Knowing that Sendoh has had some training from America did not seem to deter him one bit. They played equally against each other, basket for basket. The old rivalry on the court back in full gear.  
  
^Sorry guys, can't make a descriptive play-by-play account of the game since I am not that much of a basketball fan. I just love Slamdunk's characters…(^  
  
Finally, the game ended in a draw. Mitsui had shot a 3-pointer which tied the game at end time. Since it's a practice game, they need not go to overtime. Fujima and Maki shook hands, satisfied at how their players fared against the other.  
  
************************  
  
[Outside the sports hall]  
  
Most players went home already and only a few can be seen still hanging around. Rukawa checks his watch for the 2nd time that night. He is waiting for Hanamichi to finish his special training supervised by their captain. Leaning against a wall, the sleepy guy was about to doze off when a voice close to his ear whispered, "Miss me Kaede?" Jerking his eyes open, he turned and suddenly found lips fused tightly into his.  
  
"What the….!!" Rukawa distinctively heard someone exclaimed. His mind is still numb from shock. He can't act or think, especially with those familiar lips kissing him brutally. He tried frantically to wriggle out of those arms that encased him, but to no avail. His hands and arms were trapped. [God this can't be happening.] He was almost out of breath from sheer lack of air, when suddenly Sendoh released his assault on his lips, and looked at him with that magnetic smile of his. He repeated, "Well, Kaede did you miss me?"  
  
"No! I ….." Rukawa's voice trailed away because standing just behind Sendoh is a deathly pale Hanamichi, fist clenched at his sides, trembling with controlled anger, but what caught Rukawa's attention were those eyes. He remembered those eyes, way back when they still 'hated' each other. Bickering time and time again. Earning not just one but numerous gorilla punches on their heads. [No!] He does not want Hana to look at him that way again. He remembered the pain he felt whenever he receives those hateful glances.  
  
Calming his chaotic nerves, "Hana?" He softly called. Freeing himself from Sendoh's embrace. Jealousy, pain, anger, sorrow… Rukawa saw the play of emotions on Hana's face. He reached for him, trying to console. Wanting to be heard. Explain.. Need to explain… "Hana…" he repeated.  
  
"What's the meaning of this?" Sakuragi asked with barely controlled anger.  
  
Rukawa can't find the right words to answer that question. He just stood there with an impassive face, hiding his inner turmoil. Suddenly he felt Sendoh's arms around his shoulder and heard him say, "I was just reclaiming what was rightfully mine Sakuragi. Remember? I told you that earlier?"  
  
"What? What do you mean rightfully yours? Explain yourself Sendoh before I beat you down to a pulp." He threatened. Fists still clenched tightly on his sides and eyes ablazed with anger and pain.  
  
"Rukawa's my lover, ever since you two were just juniors. Kaede-chan, didn't you tell anybody about us?" Proceeded to show what he meant by kissing the raven-haired guy right in front of the shocked redhead.  
  
Suddenly … Sendoh found himself sprawled on the ground. Head dizzy from the contact with Sakuragi's fist. "Stay down Sendoh or you'll regret getting up for the rest of your life. I don't know what game you're playing at but stay away from my boyfriend! Kaede would not lie to me."  
  
"Then why not ask him instead? Let's just see who's lying here." Sendoh dared. But remained where he was. He knew of the redhead's past as a gang member and he is wise enough to acknowledge the strength clearly being shown in front of him.  
  
Sakuragi faced his boyfriend and waited for him to deny everything Sendoh had just said. "Kaede?" Rukawa's face is hidden from him since the other had his head bent. But Sakuragi can see that something is not right with the kitsune. [No, it can't be... Sendoh is lying.] Inching closer, he held out a hand and lifted the guy's chin. He looked straight into the deep blue pools that were his lover's eyes. Over the year, he had learned how to read Rukawa by looking into his eyes. Those blue fox-like orbs usually expresses what his face denies. Ever since they started being a couple, he would normally find those eyes smiling for him, showing his affection for him but now, it seems that they are pleading to be understood, saying sorry. [But why?] "No, tell me it's not true Kaede." He felt pain stabbing him straight in his heart. [How could he? How could he lie to me? With Sendoh?]  
  
"How long Kaede? How long did you intend to keep this from me?" He said. Choking a sob, he backed away, removing his hands from that chin he once caressed so often. But he felt that he doesn't have the right anymore. [He had Sendoh. Sendoh is good looking, cheerful, … pure.] With that last thought, he turned around and was about to flee when suddenly… he was pulled into familiar arms, almost choking him with the sheer force of that embrace.  
  
He tried pulling away but Rukawa's tight hold on him prevented him to do so. Finally, tired from his struggles, he just laid his head on Kaede's shoulder and sobbed. Through his cries he heard the guy holding him say, "Yes, Sendoh was my lover but I broke up with him long before I pursued you. Please believe me, I didn't mean to keep this from you." Rukawa implored, still holding him tightly. Pain evident in his voice. He did not respond, he can't. He just didn't know what to think anymore, let alone say anything.  
  
"Hana…"  
  
Amidst his confusion and despair, he felt rather than heard Rukawa's misery. He can feel a slight tremble coming from the body close to his, as if he's holding something back. Slowly he pried one of his arms free and with his free hand, he pushed against the latter's chest so he could see the kitsune's face. Though he still had that mask on, Sakuragi can see something similar to fear slowly rising from those blue eyes. [God, I love him. I can't let him go.]  
  
Tentatively, he raised his hand from the other's chest and started caressing that blank face. To his inner surprise, he saw that face show the first sign of vulnerability. Wanting to sooth his lover's inner torment, he placed a light kiss on those lips, willing the other to express what he truly feels. And then he heard him say, "I love you Hana, please don't leave me."  
  
Sakuragi can't help the feeling of happiness replacing all the things he had felt earlier upon hearing those three words, which he had waited to hear from his boyfriend for so long. Like sunshine after the rain, he gave the guy in front of him the most heartfelt and sincere smile he could ever give, and was rewarded when he saw his beloved's face broke into a sincere smile, which he alone was allowed to see. Dipping his head to the side, he met Kaede's approaching lips with his and they kissed with all the love they feel for one another. When they finally parted, Rukawa was left in no doubt what his beloved is feeling. "I love you too, Kaede."  
  
  
  
TBC (  
  
Hello minna, sorry for the long pause in the update… work is an overkill. Anyway, I was suppose to post this last Sunday but I re-edited some parts. Hope you liked how it turned out… and for those FujiHana(michi) – Asura and Laree – I dunno what'll happen.. still not done on that part yet. For Sendoh fans – I am sorry also…. He's not really a bad guy… He's just a vital part in the fic… 


	4. Secrets

{} = Places  
  
[] = Thoughts  
  
"" = Speaking  
  
^^ = Author's notes  
  
= others …  
  
1.1 PART 4: SECRETS  
  
"Hana…" Rukawa can't explain the euphoria he is feeling right at that moment. Finally, he heard his Hana say he loves him, that he still loves him even after knowing about Sendoh. His overflowing happiness is openly shown for anyone to see. Parting from his lover's lips, he raised his hands and caressed the face of his love… trailing kisses to where his hands had touched. Each caress an indication of how he feels for the redhead.  
  
Unnoticed by the couple, a pair of deep blue pained eyes takes in the scene before him with a heavy heart. [Sakuragi and Rukawa. Two people, who most people before thought hated each other.] Looking at them, he feels slightly envious of their love, wishing he could have it as well. When he saw how the former cold expressionless face of the ice prince softened with pure love and happiness for the redhead, Sendoh knew that Rukawa have never loved him. [Not that way.] That admission pained him to no end. [What was I then? A replacement? Someone to pacify his physical needs?] Maddened by that notion, Sendoh clenched his fist and held back the tears that threatened to fall. [No, it's not over yet.] Standing up, he strode to where the lovers are and then stopped… [Kaede…] His chest suddenly contracted… [what a beautiful smile…if only he'd smile for me before…but…] Shaking his head, he continued on his way and stood just behind Sakuragi.  
  
"There's still something you should know Sakuragi."  
  
Rukawa stiffened when he heard Sendoh's voice. In the midst of his happiness, he had forgotten about his ex-lover and his intentions. "Go away Sendoh. I am not interested in anything else that you have to say." He heard his Hana say, still wearing that warm smile.  
  
"Are you sure Hana-kun? I think there is still one important information you do not know."  
  
Whirling around to face Sendoh, "What are you talking about? You can't hurt us, not anymore. I know that Kaede loves me and not you. Come on kitsune, let's leave this guy. I've had enough of smiley here to last me a decade." He felt Hana reach for his hand and was about to follow when they heard Sendoh say.  
  
"Well Kaede, should I have the pleasure of shattering your Hana-kun's perfect world or would you do the honors?" Sendoh taunted.  
  
"Just leave Sendoh. Go back to America." Rukawa said. "You can't hurt us anymore." His face is now a mask of cold anger, hiding the fear that grips his heart at the realization of what Sendoh intended to do.  
  
"Damn you Rukawa." Sendoh shouted. "How could you be so cold? How could you throw me aside, just for him? What has he got that I don't? Has it always been him? You're precious redhead?" Sendoh rambled, his voice, bitter. "He hated you, he never even looked at you before. Never even listened. Well, I DID! I have been to you what he was not. Why can't you forget him and love me instead?" Sendoh's voice is now shaking.  
  
Rukawa just continued looking at him with the same blank expression, and with ice in his voice he said, "You have always known that I have feelings for Hana. I never lied to you. You were never in doubt of that."  
  
Sendoh flinched upon hearing those words. The pain he felt earlier temporary forgotten as anger for this cold unfeeling fox-eyed boy before him is slowly invading his system. Anger at Rukawa for being reminded again that he was always second to the 'aho, even when they were together, even while making love. No, Rukawa called it having sex. Love has never entered into their relationship, [at least not for Rukawa]. He was not 'allowed' to make love to Kaede. It was always him being taken. He had never experienced the pleasure of seeing the ice prince writhe with pleasure beneath him, screaming his name, pleading him to make him come. No, even that was reserved for his 'aho. That hurt more than anything. Closing his eyes, he tried to control the feelings raging inside him.  
  
Sakuragi can't believe that the person in front of him is Mr. Charm and Smiley himself. [What kind of relationship did they have?] Glancing sideways, he saw his lover's expression did not change. Not even a flicker of emotion for the person in front of him. He just stared with that blank expression of his. Still holding his hand, he gave it a little squeeze, reminding him that he's there with him and that he understands. Kaede looked at him and just nodded. Returning his gaze to Sendoh, he can't help but feel sorry for the guy. He can understand the feeling of not being loved. He had the same fear with Kaede when they were starting. That feeling of uncertainty about their relationship or the feeling that maybe Rukawa is just playing with him, and lastly, the fear that maybe Rukawa does not love him. They never said the words… [until now].  
  
Slowly he removed his hand from his silent boyfriend and approached the taller brunette. "Sendoh, I am sorry for your pain. Truly I am. But you need to go on. Forget Kaede. Find yourself a new love. Be happy. You deserve it." He said, softly touching his arm.  
  
Sendoh's eyes snapped open. "Sorry? You're sorry?!" Shoving that hand away. "I don't need your pity Sakuragi. If there's one person to be pitied in this triangle, it's you."  
  
Confused, "What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Yeah, you. You are so naïve and so gullible. You have been easily manipulated by Rukawa and have you dancing to his tune right from the start. Did you know how obsessed he was of you?" Not hearing a response, he continued. "Guess not. Well then, let me tell you that your dear darling lover has had the hots for you since day 1. Yup since the two of you met."  
  
Shocked was clearly registered in those clear brown eyes but, where this revelation is leading to still remains a mystery to Sakuragi. So he decided to stay silent.  
  
Pleased with the bewildered expression on the redhead, "You still don't get it? My my my, and you call yourself a tensai. Sorry to burst your bubble Sakuragi, but you are no Tensai. I could always easily defeat you on the court, better looking, famous, and I have brains too. " He mocked. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot." He paused. [Oh yes, I am definitely going to enjoy shattering your redhead's world Kaede, just like you've shattered mine.] "You were never a tensai in bed also. But I don't think Kaede minded that. He was too blinded by his lust for you, his obsession to take you and to have you."  
  
"WHAT?!" Sakuragi's expression now is incredulous.  
  
He sneaked a peak at his ex-lover and continued his tirade, "Yeah, I was there. Watching the show. I was only allowed to watch… to be the doorkeeper, in case one of your friends decided to show. I would have wanted to make it a threesome but Rukawa won't let me. He is just too damn selfish." He finished.  
  
"I never… We never…." Sakuragi trailed, feeling suddenly chilled. "I don't know what you're getting at Sendoh."  
  
"Of course you don't, it was almost a year and a half ago, you may have already forgotten about it. Besides, you were drunk. Rukawa and I had to support you all the way to your house."  
  
[Yosh, that's the icing in the cake.] Looking on, he's satisfied to know that his words had the desiring effect on his audience. The redhead had gone completely white as sheet, drained of color except for the red crown on his head. His eyes had that blank look, staring but not really focusing… and Rukawa… [If I can't have you Kaede then I'll make sure that you will not live happily ever after with your newfound love.]… a look of horror crossed his handsome face.  
  
"No!" Rukawa barely whispered. He shuts his eyes and prayed like he had never prayed before… to let this nightmare to end. He wished to wake up in their dorm with his Hana in his arms and Sendoh far away from them as possible.  
  
*** Flashback ***  
  
"Oi, Rukawa are you sure you wanna go through with this?" asked an uneasy Sendoh. Rukawa ignored him and has eyes only for the guy in front of him, obviously drunk and tipsy from all the liquor that he consumed. Even so, he still did not look less enticing, less alluring than he is at that moment. Rukawa can't help the feeling that is rising inside of him. He had tried to control it, masking it with that cold indifference he always shows to the annoying redhead. But tonight, tonight is different. He intends to act on 'that' feeling. He intends to make the `aho his. Even for just tonight. "Yes, I am definitely going through with this. Why? Are you backing out Sendoh? You can if you want to you know, but of course the deal has to be off."  
  
"No… It's just that.. oh hell, let's get it over with." Taking something inside his jacket, he slowly dropped it in a glass. Slowly rousing the drunken guy with a light tap on the shoulder, "Oi Sakuragi, you are drunk… come on drink this… it'll lessen that queasiness you're feeling now."  
  
"Uhmm, wha…what? I am not drunk Sendoh!" Sakuragi blurted. Slowly reaching out for the glass offered by the Ryonan player. He emptied the glass in one gulp, tipping the glass top down on the bar counter, he motioned to the Ryonan player that he could still drink another.  
  
"Do'aho, you're drunk. We are getting out of here." Rukawa signaled the bartender for their bill. They need to go now. He hates to admit to himself that he might be making the biggest mistake of his life. But one look at the redhead always quells that feeling and replaced by something he had not experienced before. After the bill is settled, he and Sendoh had to support the still drunken redhead to his home.  
  
The redhead lives alone, but Sendoh found out that he has frequent visitors like his Gundan coming and going whenever they please. So, upon reaching the redhead's tiny abode, he instructed Sendoh to keep watch.  
  
He lay the 'aho on the bed. He called to him once, twice. Satisfied that the drug has taken its effect. He slowly undressed and when he's completely naked – even for Sendoh to see – he climbed onto the bed and started to kiss the unknowing boy. Tasting those lips were like wine to his senses. He is getting drunk by the 'aho's taste. He wanted more, needed more. Suddenly his actions went frantic. Stripping the redhead of all his clothing, he breathe in awe at how the moonlight shining through the window, gave the redhead's body an ethereal glow. He just can't restrain himself anymore. Feeding his hunger of the boy, he tasted every inch of Sakuragi, licking and nibbling his way downward, and when he reached that portion of the redhead's body, he sucked – hard. He heard a soft gasp and a moan coming from the boy. He tensed; looking up he saw that the other still has his eyes closed. Satisfied that Sakuragi is still under the influence of the drug, he continued his exploration and was satisfied upon tasting that salty liquid flowing out of the redhead and into his mouth. Captivated on how Sakuragi has responded to him, he is now deeply aroused. A deeper hunger has grown inside of him. He stared at the boy beneath him, tracing the contours of that fine muscled body with his finger. Reaching the redhead's face, he trailed his fingers on those open lips. Fascinated, he leaned forward and tasted the sweetness in them again. Slowly, he moved his other hand downward, and upon finding what his finger seeks, he probed. The body beneath him jolted from the sudden intrusion but it soon relaxed, sensing that the redhead is ready, he removed his finger and pushed hard into him. A cry was wrenched from the redhead and Rukawa swallowed it whole with his mouth. Knowing that the redhead is in pain, he reached down again and started massaging, giving pleasure to divert the other from the pain his action had caused. Slowly he felt Sakuragi responding to his coaxing, satisfied, he started moving. He felt rather than see the redhead's arms enfolding him, bringing their bodies closer, and swaying to the same rhythm. His body is writhing, being rocked by the pleasure being given to him. When Rukawa felt the `aho's body tensing, he doubled his efforts, wanting to pleasure Sakuragi. Wanting Sakuragi to remember this night in his subconscious. Hearing both their cries of pleasure, Rukawa fell forward. Hearing the erratic heartbeat beneath his ear, he sneaked a peak to look at his partner. His eyes are still closed; his breathing haggard and his arms already back on his side. Rukawa laid his head back on the latter's chest. Slipping his hands down, Rukawa entwined his fingers with Sakuragi's then lifted them up to his lips and tenderly kissed each finger one by one. He would have wanted to stay like that forever, but Sendoh's voice reminded him that they need to get out before the drug wears off. Sighing, he slowly removed himself from that tight haven, feeling suddenly empty. He quickly dressed himself. Before leaving, he covered the redhead with a blanket and ever so gently he kissed him again on the lips and softly whispered… "Please forgive me, Hana- kun."  
  
*** End Flashback ***  
  
Rukawa would have given anything if he could take that one night back. He has never shown remorse over anything, which had happened to him in the past, until now. That one blissful night just might cause him to loose Hanamichi forever. "NO!" Rukawa heard his lover exclaimed.  
  
1.2 


	5. Shattered World

{} = Places  
  
[] = Thoughts  
  
"" = Speaking  
  
^^ = Author's notes  
  
= others …  
  
1.1 PART 5: SHATTERED WORLD  
  
"That night? You and… Kaede? No! … It's not true… it can't be true…you're lying!" Sakuragi exclaimed. His eyes looked at Sendoh accusingly.  
  
"Oh, but we have already proven that I am not the liar between the three of us." He reminded him.  
  
Facing his lover, Sakuragi felt his heart bled. There before him is an open book Kaede, void of any mask. The kitsune's face showed him everything that he feared and those eyes… they have the same expression they had earlier– that pleading look. The look, which clearly said, he's sorry. [No…]  
  
"NO!" Sakuragi shouted. Dropping to his knees, he placed his hands on both sides of his head, shaking it from side to side. He felt Rukawa's hand on his shoulder. Angry, he slapped that hand away violently and faced his lover with hate in his eyes. Standing up, he punched Rukawa in the face.  
  
"Why kitsune?" Sakuragi questioned, his tears flowing unheedingly down his face. "Why did you do it? Did you hate me that much?" The last question was said with a mere whisper.  
  
Picking himself up, "No… I did not hate you. I thought I did. When I realized what I truly felt for you, it was too late. " Rukawa answered grimly.  
  
Sakuragi is mentally battling the conflicting emotions within himself. Head already throbbing, he tried recalling everything, but failed considerably to tie the bits and pieces of his memory of that night. [WHY?] His brows furrowed.  
  
"You were drugged Sakuragi." Sendoh supplied the answer to his unspoken question.  
  
Still engrossed in his own thoughts, he just said. [HUH?] "Drugged? How?"  
  
"I mixed the drug on that glass you last drank. It was suppose to make you feel unaware. Just like being drunk but more potent. It usually wears off after a few hours."  
  
"What?!" He suddenly exploded. "You bastard!" Sakuragi swung a fist but Sendoh was quick to evade it. "You drugged me? Why? Are you really that sick Sendoh?"  
  
Backing away, "No. It was part of the deal and I just followed it through. Sorry Sakuragi."  
  
Shocked, "A deal?"  
  
"Yes." Came the clipped reply.  
  
"You mean…" Sakuragi stammered while pointing a finger to and from the two brunettes facing him.  
  
"I offered to help Rukawa satisfy and hopefully rid his obsession of you and in exchange he'll have to be my lover." Sendoh replied with less satisfaction in his voice. He didn't really wanted to do it to Sakuragi but during that time, he was already blinded by his burning attraction to the silent Shohoku ace. He considered it a blessing when he found out about Rukawa's 'crush' on the 'aho. Thinking it was only just a fleeting crush; Sendoh approached Rukawa with the idea on how to remove the loud redhead from his system, with a condition that Rukawa accepts his intentions after they're done. It took about a week before the silent junior finally accepts his proposal.  
  
  
  
Sakuragi is having trouble digesting this information, [all because of lust?] Turning to look at his boyfriend, "You agreed to become his lover for just that one night?" He softly asked.  
  
A hesitant nod was Rukawa's only reply.  
  
Inching closer so he could see his beloved's face. "You allowed yourself to be tied to him?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Was I even worth it? You're freedom?"  
  
Rukawa just looked at his lover. Brown eyes slightly curious but the pain and grief still shows in their brown depths. "If it means loosing you now Hana, then, it was not worth it. But if you're asking me if I loved every minute of that night… then my answer would be, yes. You were worth it." He answered truthfully.  
  
He knew that his lover had trouble saying those words. The kitsune is aware that whatever answer he gives, it will still pain him. A part of him is glad that Rukawa is honest enough not to hurt him more with lies. He's not that kind of a guy. Whatever Rukawa is, he does not lie… [Yeah but he keeps secrets…two revelations in just one night…that's too much even for a 'tensai' like me.]  
  
Stepping away from Rukawa, Sakuragi leaned against a wall, needing its solid form to support his now tired and sagging body. He didn't want to think, didn't want to feel. He just wants to curl up somewhere and sleep. Slowly, he sank down on the ground, and hugged his knees closer to himself. He just sat there staring into nothing. His mind though has will of its own; it drifts back and forth into the events that had happened. Seeing Sendoh kissing Rukawa…Rukawa's admission that Sendoh was his lover [that had hurt]…the kitsune confessing his love for him and him finally able to say the words to Kaede out loud. Sakuragi wished that the event could just stop there. He would have been happy and content. But no…as fate would have it, the past came back to haunt him. Little did he know that the ghost of the past would be his beloved Kaede. That night…[Sendoh said I was drugged but I kinna remembered some of it…the warm touch…the soothing voice…the tender caresses that tickled me… Oh I was aware alright, esp. after I felt that searing pain. I thought I was just dreaming or something, and then a wave of pleasure hit me that I was unable to prevent myself from clutching the warmness that I felt. God that was Kaede…he was my first…but he was gone when I woke up. Why? Why does it have to happen this way?] He mentally cried. Burrowing his head between his knees, Sakuragi allowed himself to cry for the 3rd time that night.  
  
As if hearing his name mentally mentioned by the redhead, Rukawa cautiously walked to where his Hana is. Calling his name softly, "Hana?" Not sensing a response, he crouched down and lifted Hana's chin. Rukawa's face clouded with guilt and remorse as he saw his lover's face shrouded with undisguised pain. [What have I done to you Hana?] Reaching out, Rukawa tenderly wipe the tears from Hana's face.  
  
"Hana… I'm terribly sorry. Please forgive me. I can't bear it if you don't. I know I have hurt you, betrayed your trust. But believe me when I say that it's the last thing I'd do. I'd rather die than see you hurt." He pleaded, now slowly caressing the redhead's face. Blank eyes looked at him, those brown eyes devoid of any emotion. "Go away Kaede. Please, just leave me alone." He heard Sakuragi say.  
  
"I can't." [I love you too much]  
  
Rising to his feet, he looked down to the fox-eyed boy and said, "Then, I'll go."  
  
"NO!" Rukawa quickly sprang to his feet and caught Hana's hands in a firm grip. "I won't let you go. You belong to me Hana. We belong together. I love you."  
  
"Love?" Sakuragi questioned. "You don't know the meaning of the word, Rukawa. All you wanted was my body. All I ever was to you was a possession. Something you own. Right?"  
  
"…"  
  
"RIGHT?"  
  
Rukawa flinched upon hearing those cold and bitter words coming from his beloved. Minutes ago they were confessing their love to one another and now… "No, you are more than that. I do love you Hana. [More than you'll ever know.]" He softly whispered, staring at the hand that is still within his grip.  
  
"Maybe you do, but I'm sorry Kaede, I'm just too tired. Too tired to hear more of your secrets, too tired to think of ways to understand you. I don't know what to think anymore. Please just let go of me. I need time away from you. To sort things for myself." Sakuragi calmly implored to the guy who is still gripping his hand.  
  
Rukawa just continued looking at the hand his holding, he knows that he is being selfish but he's afraid that if he let go, he'll loose Hana forever. "No, I can't do that."  
  
Closing his eyes. "Did you know why I didn't say those words out loud before Kaede?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Because I felt that I was not worthy to love you. I felt that by saying those words you would be forever bound to me, as I would be to you. I have this secret, this dark past which I don't have an answer. Knowing that I couldn't give you a clear explanation troubled me to no end. I wanted to tell you, wanted to love you freely, but that fact keeps holding me back. I was afraid that if you knew someone had been first before you that you'd feel betrayed and that you'd leave me. I don't want that. I couldn't bear that. So I kept silent." He explained, more to himself than to his kitsune. Sakuragi is remembering the numerous times he had tried telling Rukawa of that part of his life, knowing that it might cost him his lover. He knew of Rukawa's possessive nature and he thought that if his boyfriend knew that he had been with someone else then he might leave him.  
  
"How ironic that the past I was keeping from you was your undoing. You must have quite a few laughs over my expense, huh kitsune? Did you and Sendoh laughed behind my back when you were together?"  
  
"No."  
  
"No?" "Well then, now you have the chance to do just that. You and Sendoh belong together. You are now free Rukawa, as I am of you. I can't play the pawn between the two of you anymore. Goodbye Kaede." Saying those words, he swiftly tugged his hand from Rukawa's and quickly disappeared into the night. 


	6. Sendoh's Acceptance

LOVE AND BETRAYAL  
  
(RuHana)  
  
  
  
1.1 PART 6: SENDOH'S ACCEPTANCE  
  
Rukawa just stood there, his blue gaze had that faraway look.  
  
You are now free Rukawa, as I am of you   
  
Free   
  
It keeps on repeating itself inside his brain, still unable comprehend the events that had happened. [No, it's not true. Have I lost my Hana?] He vaguely felt Hana's hands leaving his and his eyes dimly saw a silhouette of a redhead running away from him. [A redhead… My Hana has red hair… My Hana… I love you too, Kaede … All I ever was to you was a possession … Goodbye Kaede … [Goodbye? What did you mean by that Hana? Are you leaving me? No! I won't let you. You belong to me… I can't let you go… Don't you know how much I love you?] "Hana…?" He called. No answer… Focusing his eyes, he scanned his surroundings for a redhead. None… A tall spiky hair person is still there standing but a few feet away from him, but his Hana is nowhere to be seen. Suddenly… comprehension… his Hana is gone. He left because of him. He had hurt Hana. The one who he'd promised to himself he'd never hurt.  
  
"HANAMICHI!" He shouts into the darkness. Then he slumped forward with his palms pressed on the ground. Tears are flowing down his face. His sobs echoing the pain and emptiness he feels in his heart.  
  
After his bombshell, Sendoh had been a silent observer between the two lovers. He had felt that he'd be happy just by seeing the two separated. He wanted to hurt Kaede like he had hurt him. Make him pay for the cold callous way he had thrown him aside. But deep inside, he just wanted Kaede back. Still do, but he didn't think that is possible now, not anymore. Especially since he saw just how Kaede really felt about his 'aho. He still feels the slight pricks of jealousy but the hostility was not there anymore. After seeing Sakuragi's reaction from his revelation, he was kinna guilty himself. The redhead was just an unknowing victim. Someone caught in the middle between two 'lust-sick' individuals in their youth. Now, seeing how he had broken two hearts in one night for just opening up the past, Sendoh can't help but feel that he's responsible for the whole thing. The unhappiness the two is obviously feeling right now, was his undoing. Accepting that fact, he went to where his ex-lover is, still on his knees and sobbing painfully. He wanted to comfort him. [I still love him, but I know that I can't win him back. Not after tonight. No, that's a mistake… I never did have him… not his heart anyway] Sighing softly to himself, he bended his knees and slowly helped the raven head guy to his feet.  
  
Looking at the tear stained face, he wondered how someone so cold and detach can be reduced to someone like this – broken and despaired. Gently he hugged the sobbing boy to him, rubbing his back to console him somehow. They stayed like that for a while.  
  
After a few moments, Sendoh felt himself being pushed away roughly and a fist connected to his jaw for the second time that night. He staggered backwards and said, "What the hell is your problem Kaede!"  
  
Deep blue gaze focused on him. "Don't touch me Sendoh and don't call me like that again!" Threatened a very angry raven head.  
  
Rubbing his bruised jaw, "Nice to see you back to your old self Rukawa."  
  
"So are you happy now Sendoh?" Rukawa sneered. Looking at Sendoh with hate in his eyes.  
  
"Happy?" He chuckled. "No I am not. I'm sorry Rukawa, I am not as unfeeling as you sometimes seem to be."  
  
"Don't compare me to you."  
  
Knowing that Rukawa is beyond reasoning, he sighed and resigned himself to saying, "I'm sorry Rukawa. I really am. I did not intend Sakuragi to be hurt like this, or you."  
  
"Don't you think it's a little bit too late for that?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Why did you come back Sendoh?" Rukawa questioned.  
  
Smiling a little, "I came to win you back."  
  
Rukawa raised an eyebrow upon hearing that remark. "Did you think I'd go back to you even if I didn't have Hana in my life?"  
  
"…"  
  
"You're a fool Sendoh. Did you know why I broke up with you?"  
  
"No. You were never really clear on that matter. All you said was that, it's over and walked away. After that I left for America."  
  
"You still want to know?"  
  
Sendoh looked straight at his ex-lover and said, "Yes I do."  
  
"I did not love you." He stated calmly.  
  
Sendoh already knew what his answer would be and yet the pain is still there. "Yeah I know. But I never stopped hoping."  
  
Rukawa's face softened somehow upon seeing the hurt expression on his ex- lover's smiling face. "If it's any consolation, I did try. But there was always him. I can't forget him. I was already hooked right from the start."  
  
Seeing the thoughtful expression from Rukawa's face. "You really love him don't you?"  
  
"He's my life." He softly confessed. [But he's gone now. God how can I ever get him back?] He silently prayed, looking up.  
  
He would have wanted to leave Rukawa there and then, to leave him with his pain, but he feels that he needs to correct the mistake he had done tonight. Isn't there a saying that as long as the one you love is happy then you're happy too ? [Stupid saying] But it holds some truth for him somehow.  
  
"Rukawa… Rukawa…" he called twice. Rukawa suddenly had a faraway look on his face. Glancing at his eyes, he saw pain and remorse clearly mirrored there. He felt the old familiar feeling of guilt rising inside him again. Mentally cursing himself, he inched closer to the guy and taps him lightly on the shoulder. "Rukawa, aren't you gonna look for Sakuragi?"  
  
Rukawa's eyes focused on him but the pain is still evident. "He hates me." He said.  
  
Sendoh detected the defeated tone in Rukawa's voice and couldn't help but feel sorry again for the pain he had caused. "No, he loves you."  
  
"…"  
  
"I guess you just need to give him time. Time to sort things out for himself. We did something horrible to him, you know. Well you did, I only helped on the first part." He tried joking but later regretted saying them. Rukawa's face clouded with pain even more with the remembrance of what he did to his Hana. "Ok, bad joke."  
  
Suddenly, Sendoh playfully threw an arm over the other's shoulder and said, "Come on, I'll help you look for your boyfriend."  
  
That sudden action brought Rukawa out of his misery for a moment. "What? Did all those fume in your hair finally got inside your head?"  
  
"No it did not." He countered. "I just want to help you."  
  
Still not convinced. "Why?"  
  
"Well, I kinna feel guilty being behind all this and I wanna make it up to you somehow." He said grinning.  
  
Rukawa looked at him suspiciously. Thinking that Sendoh might be up to something again. "You're not up to something again, are you?"  
  
"No I am not. I said I was sorry already."  
  
"…"  
  
"Ok ok" he sighed. "I love you Kaede, sorry bout that old habit." He raised his hand in a gesture of apology. "I really do, but I know that I'll just be fighting a loosing battle and the looser will be me. So, I figured… If I am not the one to give you happiness then at least let me try to 'bring' you back 'your' happiness." He continued seriously.  
  
The fox-eyed boy sensed the sincerity behind those words and felt that at least one problem has been solved. "Thank you Sendoh and I am sorry for hurting you." He said. His lips curving up a little to give the guy before him a small smile of gratitude.  
  
Sendoh gasped at that sight. A small smile coming from those lips were like magic for him. Never had Rukawa smiled for him, till now. Returning that smile with one of his he said, "Thank you."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For smiling… You never smiled for me before…"  
  
Those lips now formed a thin straight line as he glared at the guy before him. "Stop that. You're flirting."  
  
"Huh?" Sendoh said incredulously. Realizing what he had meant, "No I was not flirting. I was really thanking you. But on second thought… would that get me anywhere with you?"  
  
"Just as far as the ground you're standing on Sendoh." Rukawa threatened.  
  
Sendoh laughed at how Rukawa looked so serious and prepared for something all of a sudden. "You are one piece of work Kaede Rukawa. Come on, let's find your beloved."  
  
And the pair went off to the night in search for a redhead.  
  
TBC… 


	7. Unexpectant Meeting

LOVE AND BETRAYAL  
  
(RuHana)  
  
1.1  
  
1.2 PART 7: UNEXPECTANT MEETING  
  
[Somewhere in Kanagawa]  
  
Sakuragi had grown tired from running and is now slowly walking down the streets of Kanagawa. Unaware of his surroundings or whereabouts, he missed the curious glances or appraising looks he received from some of the onlookers. It's a rare occurrence seeing a redhead in that part of Kanagawa, especially at night. People are busy shouting something or talking to someone, but Sakuragi did not notice any of this, his only thoughts were of his dark-haired blue-eyed handsome lover. [Kaede…Why?] Stifling a sob… he forced his head up and inhaled the cold night air. [No, I don't want to cry anymore. I need to think. Need to sort this.] "But how?"  
  
"Sakuragi! Sakuragi! Oi Do'aho!"  
  
[Do'aho?] That got Sakuragi's attention. Whirling around, he came face to face with Mitsui. "Mitchy, who are you calling an idiot?"  
  
"You are. Anyway, what are you doing here? You're kinna far off from the university." Asked a very curious scarred player.  
  
Noticing his surroundings for the first time, he said "Uhmm, yeah. Where is this place?"  
  
Laughing at his junior, "Don't worry Sakuragi, you are still within Kanagawa. But this place is kinna way out of your depth, for now."  
  
Scanning the area again, "Huh? Why? What is this place?"  
  
Mitsui paused for a moment, he considered not answering but a figure behind him replied with… "It's a place where lover's enjoy themselves Hana-chan."  
  
Blinking his eyes, Sakuragi stared at those shining emerald orbs that glinted rather mischievously at him. [I must really be loosing it.] Mentally head butting himself, "Ken-san! What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came with Mitsui."  
  
"Mitchy? But I noticed you came from that direction." Pointing at a certain building at his left where most people seem to be gathering around.  
  
"Yeah, I went back because I forgot something."  
  
"But you said that that's a place where lover's enjoy themselves and the two of you…" Suddenly he got this vision of his sweet senpai. "Mitchy! Are you cheating on Megane-kun?!"  
  
"Don't be a fool Sakuragi. I wouldn't do that to Min-kun!" Mitsui denied rather vehemently.  
  
"But what the heck are you doing with our captain, in that place, at this time of the night." Interjected the redhead, emphasizing each word as if to prove a point.  
  
Fujima sighed, thinking that they are already gaining an audience with the volume of the two hotheaded players, he said, "Hisashi, I think I'll be ok now. I'll ask Hana-chan here to accompany me. You get back to Kiminobu."  
  
"Are you sure? It's rather late and Min-kun did not want to be worried about you. So do I." Mitsui's face kinna softened a bit while talking to the shorter guy.  
  
"I'll be fine. I'm with Hana-chan and with that hair? He would have been mobbed by those guys over there by now." Pointing to a group of individuals looking at them with a queer look. Especially at Fujima.  
  
"If you say so. Sakuragi you better take good care of Kenji here." With that, Mitsui sauntered away back into the direction of the building.  
  
Confused with the whole interchange, Sakuragi asked the shorter boy walking beside him. "Ken-san are you and Mitsui…?" Letting the question trail, not wanting to get the wrong idea.  
  
Without even stammering, "Yes Hana-chan, Mitsui and I are kinna together. But not the kind you and Rukawa have, it's more like a physical thing." At the mention of the name, Sakuragi was reminded of the reason how he got there in the first place and a pained expression crossed his features once again.  
  
Not noticing his companion's change, Fujima continued, "Don't worry about Kiminobu, he's very well aware of it. We make a great threesome."  
  
Sakuragi's eyes widened at that notion, "Huh? You mean the three of you?"  
  
"Yes. But I am just the middle or the tier between us. Those two love each other and sometimes I don' even want to intrude. But the thing is, they were the ones who first understood that I was gay and being without a lover myself, I need an outlet."  
  
"But Ken-san, you can have any lover you want. You are definitely good looking." He said, blushing a little.  
  
"As good looking as your Kaede?"  
  
"Sorry Ken-san but, no one is as good looking as my Kaede." He proudly beamed. But after a moment, he stopped. [My Kaede…no, I just left him and with Sendoh. God what have I done?]  
  
"Hana-chan, what's wrong?"  
  
Fujima saw the pain in those brown eyes burned at the mention of the missing boyfriend. "Where is Rukawa?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Did you two have a fight?"  
  
No response… Noticing that the redhead is close to tears, he stopped his questioning and tugged at his hand, motioning him to follow. "Come on, let's go back to my place."  
  
"Your place?"  
  
"Yeah it's not very far from here."  
  
Not having any place to go, he decided to just let his captain lead him, not even attempting to remove his hand from Fujima's grasp.  
  
****************************  
  
{Some time later – at a certain part of Kanagawa}  
  
"Where is he?" Sendoh asked for the 5th time that night. Irritating the slightly shorter guy next to him with his whining. "We've searched almost every street in Kanagawa and still we can't find him? How can we miss a tall redhead? Maybe he's return to your room already?"  
  
"No"  
  
"How would you know? We've not even tried looking there yet."  
  
"I know Hanamichi, he won't be there."  
  
Sendoh immediately shut his mouth upon noticing the sad and desolated expression of the younger guy. "Don't worry Rukawa, we'll find him and we'll get him back. There's no way Sakuragi can resist two gorgeous guys like us." He said, trying to lighten up the mood.  
  
But the raven head is not as optimistic. "I don't know…"  
  
"Come on." Sendoh urged. "We'll search again. Know of any place we haven't looked yet? Where he would frequent? How about his Gundan?"  
  
Rukawa just shrugged his shoulders, and kept walking.  
  
[This is definitely not Rukawa… Man he changed a lot.] Sendoh thought.  
  
"Oi Rukawa."  
  
Both turned to look ahead and found Mitsui and Kogure coming towards them. They stopped and waited till the other two reach them.  
  
"So what are the two of you doing here?" Questioned Kogure.  
  
"You and Sendoh on a date or something?"  
  
Rukawa just glared and said nothing.  
  
Amused with the notion, "No. We were just looking for Rukawa's boyfriend here. See they kinna got into some sort of argument and the redhead just ran away."  
  
Rukawa would have kicked Sendoh for giving too much information but Mitsui's next words stopped him.  
  
"I just saw him earlier."  
  
"Really? Where?" The tallest player asked. Excited that at least they have a lead on where to look and not just wonder about in Kanagawa all night. Not that he disliked the company.  
  
"If you are asking me where is he now, I can't answer you that because I left him with Fujima."  
  
Sendoh felt his companion stiffen. "With Fujima? Right now? How can he, were they together when you saw him?"  
  
Cautious not to give too much away, "Err… No, Sakuragi was alone when I saw him. Fujima was with Min-kun and I."  
  
Still perplexed, "So how can you say that they're together?"  
  
"Because I left Fujima with carrot top and I saw them walking away together. No, make that Fujima dragging Sakuragi to follow him." Mitsui supplied recalling the scene that he saw, suddenly he remembered an expression on the redhead's face when he first bumped into him earlier that night.  
  
Looking at his teammate, "What kind of fight did the two of you have Rukawa? I have never seen that idiot look so lost like tonight."  
  
Rukawa did not flinch at that accusing gaze his senior gave him. He just replied, "It's none of your business."  
  
Elbowing his lover, "You're right Rukawa, it's nobody's business. But, like Hisashi already said, we can't tell you where Sakuragi is right now."  
  
"Great! Just great. Now we have nowhere to look!" Sendoh exclaimed. Feeling disappointed with the turnabout. "Isn't there anywhere? How about Fujima? Where would he likely go?"  
  
Remembering something, "You could try his apartment." Said Kogure.  
  
Horrified at the possibility, Rukawa quickly brushed away the thought of what his pretty captain might do to his 'aho at his apartment, and abruptly asked his senior for the address. Soon after, the duo bade the two seniors goodbye and went to find the redhead. Rukawa's mind is swirling with the intention of harming the pretty green-eyed captain if he so ever touches his Hana.  
  
Mitsui and Kogure watched as the two dark haired players disappeared into the night. "Min-kun, are you deliberately trying to scare me?"  
  
Puzzled, "Why?"  
  
"Did you not see Rukawa's face when you even hinted that Sakuragi is with Kenji and in his apartment of all places?"  
  
"But you were the one who said they were together."  
  
"Yeah but I did not say where, did I?"  
  
"Well, he did looked kinna…mad?"  
  
"Mad? Are you blind? Those eyes were shouting bloody murder!" Mitsui shuddered, remembering the angry glint that lighted those cobalt-blue eyes.  
  
Laughing at his lover's outburst, he tenderly wrapped his arms around Mitsui's waist and said, "I was not worried. I know you'll protect me. Besides those eyes were not directed at me but at Kenji."  
  
Returning the embrace, "Guess, you're right. Hey you think Kenji might need protection?"  
  
"No, Kenji can handle himself. Besides, he won't be stupid enough to touch Sakuragi. He knows how the boy loves his kitsune. Now let's go back to our room. I need sleep." Yawning, Kogure lead his lover back, but not without silently praying that all will turn out well between Sakuragi and Rukawa.  
  
******  
  
TBC… 


	8. Green-eyed Angel

{} = Places  
  
[] = Thoughts  
  
"" = Speaking  
  
^^ = Author's notes  
  
= others …  
  
1.1 PART 8: GREEN-EYED ANGEL  
  
{Fujima's Apartment}  
  
The redhead scanned the apartment again. He still can't believe that their captain has a place like this. It's like a bachelor's pad's haven for entertaining. He blushed at that thought and quickly shoved the mental image of their captain with a guy, entertaining. Getting rather tired with his exploration of the living room, Sakuragi slowly sank down on the couch and laid his head back. The events of that night eventually took its toll on his body and he is feeling the signs of fatigue. Removing his jersey jacket, he rolled it into a ball and placed it behind his neck to form a cushion. Lying back, he slowly fell into deep slumber and was unaware when a blanket was slowly placed over him to keep him warm. Nor was he aware of the soothing caresses being rendered upon his face.  
  
Fujima just stared at the boy close to him. [Close yet so far.] He just can't help himself from touching that silky skin, trailing his fingers from his eyebrows down towards those inviting red lips. Never had he experienced this great restraint from picking up the adorable boy and just make him his. But he can't do that coz' he knows that the boy will just hate him. He does not want his hate, and he knows he can't have his love either, but he can have his friendship and trust. He can live with that. Standing up, he can't resist gazing down again; longing is deeply etched on his pretty face. Succumbing to the temptation he can't resist anymore, he slowly leaned down and kissed the redhead tenderly on the lips before sauntering towards his bedroom to take a very much-needed shower.  
  
******  
  
{An hour later}  
  
"Aahhh…" Sakuragi moaned. Slowly waking up and rubbing the back of his neck, where the blood suddenly decided to stop circulating. [What a time to have a stiff neck.] Rubbing his eyes, he noticed that there is blanket over his upper body. Stopping midway from stretching his arms up, he stared around and remembered where he was. Mentally berating himself, he called out his captain's name, "Ken-san?" Standing up, he made his way to the kitchen where cluttering can be heard. Opening the kitchen door, he was taken aback to see his someone cooking and singing a tune he did not know at the same time. Smiling slowly, he takes in the scene before him, hands busy putting something on a pan, an apron wrapped loosely around a slim waist and a walkman clamped firmly on someone's ears. [What a cute sight.] Shocked… [Now where did that come from?] Slowly…the vision slowly turned around and his heart skipped a beat, for he was staring straight into the most beautiful blue eyes he has ever seen. "Kaede…"  
  
"Hana-chan are you ok?"  
  
Sakuragi snapped out of his reverie and stared into not of blue but the clearest green eyes of his captain. Softly he said, "Ken-san…"  
  
Smiling knowingly, "Don't worry Hana-chan, I know Rukawa won't mind if you stayed here for the night. Guess you should call him and tell him where you are. He might be getting worried by now."  
  
[Are you worried about me Kaede?] "No there's no need to call." He said sadly.  
  
"Hana-chan is there anything wrong?" Fujima asked, worried at the sullen expression on his guest. "Come, you better sit down. Have you had dinner yet? I prepared something. Hope you'll like it."  
  
Sakuragi obliged and sat on the chair being offered. Smelling the aroma, he suddenly realized that he has not had his dinner yet. Stomach growling, he immediately tackled the food on the table. "It's delicious Ken-san, where did you learn how to cook like this?"  
  
Delighted that the redhead seemed to have lighten up a bit and is obviously hungry. "My mother taught me how to cook Hana-chan. I enjoyed cooking."  
  
Noticing something, "Why aren't you eating Ken-san?"  
  
"I'm not really hungry, besides I cooked this just for you."  
  
"Really? Gee, thanks." Sakuragi said, smiling sheepishly.  
  
After a minute of watching the delicious looking redhead stuffing himself more with food. Fujima asked the question that had been plaguing his mind all evening. "Hana… Did you have a fight with Rukawa?"  
  
Sakuragi almost drop the spoon he's holding with the suddenness of the question. How can he answer that? He refused himself to even think about it tonight let alone talk about it; he just needed to sort it out by himself, in due time. But he found his resistance slowly fading away as he stared into those warm emerald eyes. Sakuragi stifled a job and broke into tears as the flood of emotions suddenly overtook his control.  
  
Surprised, Fujima jumped to his feet and gathered the sobbing redhead in his arms. He felt Sakuragi's arms went around his waist and cried into his chest. Fujima held the boy close to him and whispered, "Hush Hana. Don't cry anymore."  
  
Feeling that the redhead is close to a complete breakdown, he gently raised the latter's chin up and ever so gently wiped the tears from his eyes. Leaning down, Fujima place a soft kiss over each closed eyelids. Leaning back a little he saw those eyelids flutter open, questioning his actions. Smiling softly at him, he leaned again and kissed Hana's forehead, slowly he trailed his lips down to kiss those eyelids again, forcing them shut. Not feeling any violent reaction from Sakuragi, he dared to venture downwards – kissing both sides of his cheeks and then, stopping but an inch on top on those red lips, -- [Do I dare?] – his lips answered for him. Lips touched lips in a very soft way. Sticking out his tongue, Fujima licked the redhead's lips and coerced them to open. Finding the opening, he gently probed deeper, tasting the sweetness that is Hanamichi Sakuragi.  
  
Sakuragi's mind is in a whirl. He is vaguely aware that the one kissing him is not his boyfriend but his captain. His mind is telling him to punch the guy for kissing him but, deep within, he welcomes this soft and warm intrusion. The kiss was not really passionate but more like comforting him, easing his pain away. He did not withdraw nor did he respond, he just let the other kiss him.  
  
Drawing away, Fujima is glad to see that the tears had stopped and there is a slight redness tingeing the redhead's cheek.  
  
Opening his eyes, Sakuragi just raised his brown gaze to those beautiful caring eyes and said, "Thank you."  
  
Smiling down, Fujima just couldn't help the happiness that he feels for being allowed to kiss the redhead. "You're welcome and also thank you." Softly enjoying the feel of the silky red hair flowing in and out his hand.  
  
Tilting his head to the side, "Thank you? What for?"  
  
Fujima just rubbed his nose against the other and playfully said, "for not beating the living daylights out of me for kissing you." He said and dropping a peck on those warm lips again.  
  
Now blushing really hard, "Er… don't mention it. It was nice really."  
  
"Ok so now, how about we go to the living room and you tell me why you just made a pool out of your plate." He said gesturing to the plate in front of them.  
  
Sakuragi said nothing and just nodded. Removing his arms from Fujima's waist, he wiped the remnants of the tears in his eyes and followed his captain to the living room.  
  
*********  
  
{A block away from the apartment}  
  
Two figures stopped from a block away to their destination. The slightly taller of the two is glancing quizzically at his companion for the reason behind the hesitation. "What's wrong Rukawa? Aren't we going to find out if Sakuragi is there? We did get the correct address right?"  
  
The raven head did not answer. He just stared ahead… straight into the silhouette of the apartment, where he might find his boyfriend. He's feeling the first few stabs of fear. Fear on what he might find out when he gets there; fear that Hanamichi is not there and they might have to look for him again; fear that even though his Hana is there, he won't go back with him.  
  
Concerned, "Rukawa are you ok?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Then let's go in. What are waiting for? If he's there, he's there. If not then we ask Fujima. At least that's something rather than standing here all night." He urged.  
  
Rukawa heard the sense in those words but his feet just won't obey. They won't budge. He's afraid that if he stepped forward his life will be changed once again. Like before. He thought that he'd never have to feel fear again; not the ordinary kind of fear but the fear of loosing someone he allowed to be close to him.  
  
The tall brunette saw the hesitation again in those eyes, [he really has changed.]  
  
"He changed you didn't he?" Sendoh mused, voicing his thoughts.  
  
The raven head just looked at him as if he had grown another head. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Sighing inwardly, "I mean, l have never seen this side of you before. You always looked so composed and so unaffected by your surroundings. I guess your vocabulary also increased, since I have heard more than one sentence coming out from those lips of yours tonight. But the thing that really gets to me is the way you are handling this situation. You were never scared to act on your feeling. I thought that your motto was… I do what I like and to hell with consequence. Looking at the way you are now…what happened Rukawa?"  
  
Staring at the silhouette of the apartment again, "Hanamichi Sakuragi"  
  
Then he felt a hand was softly laid on his shoulder. Turning, he found his companion wearing a satisfied grin on his face. "Why are you grinning like that?"  
  
"You. I'm grinning at you. That was your last hurdle Rukawa. The last you have to accept."  
  
"…"  
  
"Accept the change, the change which came with loving someone. You've been alone for a long time Rukawa and you seldom let the other's show the real you. I guess loving him brought back something that is locked within you. You have to accept that and embrace it. Only then will you truly be happy, esp. with a firecracker like that redhead of yours." Sendoh finished.  
  
Not hearing such words of wisdom from the guy before him, Rukawa just stared, but the meaning behind those words did not escape him. He understood and examining his own feelings, he knew that Sendoh is right – though he's never gonna tell him that. But before he could straighten things in his life, he has to talk to his beloved and make him understand everything. Only by then will his life be complete. With that in mind, he stated "I will get Hanamichi back. Let's go Sendoh."  
  
Satisfied with the determined look in those blue eyes, Sendoh just smiled and followed.  
  
**********************  
  
{Fujima's apartment}  
  
Upon entering the living room, Sakuragi found his captain already waiting for him. Fujima motioned him to sit on the couch while he took the armchair across him. "So Hana-chan, what did you and Rukawa fight about?"  
  
The redhead just stayed mute and started fidgeting.  
  
"Lemme guess, it has something to do with another tall brunette with equally stunning blue eyes and a rather well toned physique which would make even Apollo himself blush."  
  
Brown eyes gawked at how his captain described the smiley player, or is it? Not really sure, he queried, "Er… are you talking about…."  
  
"That tall spiky-haired guy from Ryonan, Akira Sendoh. Who else?" Fujima affirmed.  
  
Still surprised with the description, the redhead slowly nodded. "Yes, but how did you know?"  
  
"I noticed their silent interchange on the court tonight. The way they played against each other is different than their old rivalry. There is something in the air. Rukawa was not bent on loosing to Sendoh and vice versa. I guess maybe that's one of the reasons why we ended up tied. Those two just don't want to accept defeat from the other. But more importantly, I saw something in Sendoh's eyes when he looked at Rukawa. There's definitely longing written in them." Fujima finished.  
  
Taking a deep breath, "Yes, they were lovers."  
  
"Ahh.. I figured as much. Care to tell me about it?" He urged.  
  
Sakuragi just found himself retelling the events of the night, carefully omitting that part which happened a year and a half ago. When he finished, he felt equally drained as he felt earlier but surprisingly he did not break into tears and, actually, he felt good after telling it to someone.  
  
"It's like having a chip taken off your shoulder, right?" Fujima said voicing what he's about to say. "You know Hana-chan, it always helps to talk things with someone. It's not healthy to keep things for yourself. It would just break you in time." He continued.  
  
"Thank you Ken-san, I feel a lot better than before." It was true; he did feel kind of better.  
  
"Well then, I guess you better find your boyfriend and talk to him. Unless you want Sendoh to really take him away from you." He joked.  
  
Sakuragi was stunned, what if he's too late? What if the kitsune is with Sendoh now? But did he really want to be reunited with Kaede? What about that other part? That hurt the most. Can he face him after that? Will they have a chance for happiness with that event between them? Sakuragi buried his face between his hands and started to sob again.  
  
"I don't know Ken-san, I just don't know if I can trust him ever again. He had lied to me, kept secrets from me. He betrayed my trust and he had hurt me more than I could ever imagine." He cried. "How can one bring back trust?"  
  
Fujima just stared. Wondering if there is still something that was left unsaid, something that has broken this guy in front of him. But he kept silent and let the other have his cry. This is difficult. He badly wanted to gather the sobbing boy in his arms and just take away the pain. Take him away from Rukawa, as far as possible. But he knew that it was not the right thing to do. Slowly, he got up from his chair and kneeled in front of Hana. Taking his hands away from his face, he forced the other to look at him. "Hana, I need you to answer me one question truthfully, and you must disregard the hurt and the pain that you are feeling right now. Can you do that?"  
  
"I'll try."  
  
"Can you ever see yourself living without your Kaede from this point on?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's an honest enough question Hana, and it requires an equivalent honest answer, an answer that comes deep inside your heart. Answer this question and you'll find the solution to your problem." He gently explained, still holding his hands.  
  
[Live the rest of my life without Kaede? Can I do that?] He searched the answer deep within and in an instant he knew what the answer would be. "No I can't." He simply answered.  
  
"Can you tell me why?"  
  
Feeling suddenly calm, he stared straight into Fujima's eyes and said, "Because he is my life."  
  
Fujima smiled at the answer and slowly wiped the tears from his face, "Knowing that Hanamichi, you have to learn to accept what had happened. Learn from it. Talk to Rukawa, that's the best solution, and then move on. Don't let the past hinder your happiness. Forgive and then forget. You just need time and together you can rebuild that trust which you said, might have been lost."  
  
[But can I do that? Rebuild the trust together… I still don't know…]  
  
But he was definitely moved by the advice and wondered, "Why are you doing this? Why are you being so kind to me?" Hana asked.  
  
Now it's Fujima's turn to be flustered and a tinge of pink touched his cheeks. But he answered nevertheless, "I care for you Hana, very much. I don't want to see you hurt. I only want to see you happy."  
  
Realizing what his captain had meant, Sakuragi suddenly felt compassion for the guy kneeling in front of him. He remembered the kiss he received from him and how he felt afterwards. Seeing the sudden sad look in his captain's green eyes he wanted to return the favor and take away some of the pain he is feeling. Slowly he leaned down and touched his lips against Fujima's. He kissed him not with love but with sincere gratitude for what the other had shown him tonight. Pulling back, "Thank you Ken-san." And he smiled a genuine smile, feeling the heavy weight lifted from his shoulders. He wished he could return what the other is feeling for him but he knows that he can't. [Not while I love Kaede.]  
  
Fujima smiled tenderly at him, he understood why the redhead kissed him. He's glad that he had helped Hana in a way. Suddenly something outside caught his eye. Focusing his eyes, he was surprised to see who was outside his front door. Smiling inwardly, he got up and said, "Hana, isn't it time that you look for your boyfriend?"  
  
Straightening himself, "Yes I think it's time for me to go. Er…where's the bathroom?" He asked shyly.  
  
Fujima showed him the way and when the redhead went, he immediately went outside to face the burning deadly gaze of Kaede Rukawa.  
  
{Outside the apartment}  
  
Fujima waited till the redhead disappeared into the bathroom before he stepped outside to greet his unannounced visitors. Stepping outside, he softly closed the door behind him. He motioned his visitors to go further away from the door.  
  
Ignoring that deadly glare, "Rukawa, what can I do for you?"  
  
Rukawa was beyond words at that moment, he still can't erase that image of his redhead's lips touching the one's of their captain. [Why?] "I came to get my boyfriend." He simply stated but his eyes dared him to rebuff his statement.  
  
But the shorter guy did not even flinch nor did he see any worry in those green eyes, if ever they even glinted with something like approval. "That is nice to hear Rukawa. Hana is inside." He said, motioning him to enter. But instead of moving he asked, "Why was Hana kissing you?"  
  
Fujima knew that he would be asked that question and he was already ready for his answer, "He was just returning something which I gave him earlier."  
  
Stunned with the meaning behind those words, "You mean you kissed him too?"  
  
He knew that he was courting danger but he just can't help goading the blue- eyed boy more, "Yup twice." Holding out 2 fingers but afterwards, "No, 3 times." The he grinned rather sheepishly at Rukawa.  
  
Rukawa is seeing red; his jealousy is over the top. [How dare he kiss my Hana… how dare he even lay a finger on him.] He was about to punch the guy or something when Sendoh suddenly placed himself between the two. Conveniently shielding Fujima from whatever bodily harm the jealous guy wanted to inflict on the shorter guy. [No sense ruining such a pretty face.] Sendoh thought.  
  
"Now now Rukawa, I think you better go in and get your redhead, no use venting your anger on Fujima here." He said and started dragging the jealous lover towards the door. But before Rukawa could enter, they heard Fujima say, "Don't worry Rukawa, the kiss was just platonic. No hidden meaning, at least on your boyfriend's part, he loves you." Rukawa just stared but said nothing, then he turned and casually entered the apartment.  
  
Turning around, "Are you nuts? You know how the guy is and yet you intentionally wanted him to cause you bodily harm?"  
  
"Stop whining Sendoh. Rukawa won't hurt me. He might be jealous but deep down he knows Hanamichi won't betray him."  
  
"He may trust Hanamichi but from the looks of it he doesn't trust you."  
  
"And what about you? Are you even aware that you might end up in the hospital when Hana sees you?"  
  
Scratching the back of his head he said, "Yeah I know. But I can't help it, I feel kinna guilty and I wanna help those two out somehow. Hey you know of a place where I can crash for the night?"  
  
"You mean that you went straight to the gym when you arrived? You must have been really desperate." He said while shaking his head in amazement.  
  
Sendoh just smiled, "Yeah well, the things we do for love."  
  
Fujima draws his breath as looked at the taller player. [That smile should be certifiable. I wonder how Rukawa could ever resist it.] Suddenly he remembered how he had described this guy earlier and blushed deep red. [Boy you are not yourself Kenji. Get a hold on yourself.] Mentally chiding himself with that thought.  
  
Sendoh noticed the redness on those cheeks and couldn't help thinking that the former star player of Shoyo is really cute. Not like Rukawa, whose features are both handsome and beautiful. This guy is just plain pretty. Such an angelic face and those eyes… Never had he seen such clear emerald eyes. They looked so inviting. [Stop that Sendoh, you've just been dumped and here you are trying to hit on another?] Sendoh stopped his musings when he heard him said, "Come on let's go get your things. I'll let you crash in my dorm tonight. Toru is out so you can use his bed."  
  
Sendoh just raised an eyebrow but said, "Thanks."  
  
Pausing, he turned and gazed at the close door. "You think they'll be ok Fujima?"  
  
Following the taller player's gaze, "Yes, I think they will. A love like theirs always does.  
  
[Hope I find mine someday. Good luck Hana-chan and be happy.]  
  
[Goodbye Kaede. Hope you'll find happiness and, yourself as well, with your redhead.]  
  
1.2 ^Sorry guys can't help inserting this… Who knows there might be a SenFuji or FujiSen in the making.^  
  
*************  
  
One more to go… hope you like what little I did to make a rather sweet teaser for Fuji and Hana… 


	9. Starting Anew

The song is by N'sync  
  
**************************  
  
{} = Places  
[] = Thoughts  
"" = Speaking  
^^ = Author's notes  
= others ...  
  
PART 9: STARTING ANEW  
  
{Inside the apartment}  
  
Rukawa softly closed the door behind him. Approaching the couch, he saw the jacket that Hanamichi used earlier as a cushion, picking it up, he held it close to his nose and smelled his lover's scent.  
  
"Kitsune what are you doing here?"  
  
Looking up, "Hana..." Rukawa whispered. There he is, his beloved redhead. He wanted to rush over to him and just gather him in his arms and never let go. But the words stopped him... I need time away from you ... To sort things out for myself ... He wanted Hana to make the first move and hope that he can respect his beloved's decision. More so, that he can bear that decision.  
  
Sakuragi was shocked when he saw his lover standing beside the couch. He thought that he was having that illusion again but rubbing his eyes, he saw that it really is his boyfriend standing but a few feet away from him. He did not move, he can't. He wants to but something is still holding him back. Staring at him brought back the pain he had felt earlier... [Kaede... Can I trust you again? Would you ever hurt me again?] Lowering his head, he knows that there is no answer for those questions right now, but there is one question, a question that he remembered - in his mind and in his heart. [Can I live without Kaede?] Looking up again, he already knows the answer to that one.  
  
Knowing that Hanamichi, you have to learn to accept what had happened. Learn from it. Talk to Rukawa, that's the best solution, and then move on. Don't let the past hinder your happiness. Forgive and then forget. You just need time and together you can rebuild that trust which you said, might have been lost.   
  
Slowly he walked towards his lover...  
  
[No matter how hurt I've been, the fact still remains...I can't live without him.]  
  
... Decisive brown eyes held a pair of inquiring blue ones, as he continued walking towards him...  
  
[Together... we can rebuild it together...]  
  
... Stopping right in front of his boyfriend. Brown meets Blue... [...And then we can start anew].  
  
"Hana...I..." Kaede started but ...  
  
"Kitsune..." Cupping his boyfriend's face in his hands, he softly whispered, "I love you." And then he kissed him. He gave a kiss meant to wash away the pain they both felt earlier. Pulling back, he stared at those intense blue eyes, waiting for the other to speak up. He softly chuckled as he saw the kitsune's face confused.  
  
"Hana... What?" He stammered. But a finger was softly placed on his lips.  
  
"Ssshhh... Let's not talk for tonight Kaede. The explanation can wait till tomorrow. Tonight I want to celebrate our love. I want to make love to you like I wanted to and I want you to make love to me, without holding anything back." He seriously said. "Can you do that?"  
  
Still confused, Rukawa examined his Hana's face, no more are there pain and sorrow written in them, just love. Slowly he smiled; finally he understood what he had meant, and silently, he thanked the gods watching over him for this second chance. Leaning slowly so that their foreheads touched, he said, "Yes, I can do that." and then he smiled. Holding out his hand, he led his redhead outside the door and went back to their dorm to share a blissful night of passion, renewing the love they have for one another.  
  
*******************  
  
{Kanagawa University - inside one of the dorms}  
  
Rukawa slowly raised his head again from the smooth chest he is sleeping on. After they've spent the remaining of their energy pleasuring each other, his brown-eyed boyfriend just gathered him in his arms and went to sleep in an instant. [I guess he was really drained.] But for him, sleep just wouldn't come. Whenever he feels like dozing off, his mind would jerk him awake and he would raise his head to look for the familiar face of his beloved. He still can't believe that he's there with him, being embraced by him.  
  
Last night, when he saw his redhead kiss their captain, he thought his heart would burst from the pain. He still shudder remembering it, the thought of loosing Hana to him, because of his betrayal, would be unbearable. Seeing his beloved slowly and calmly walking towards him, he waited... his insides were trembling from anxiety. Then Hana kissed him, so sweet and full of love...hope blossomed in his heart. He felt like he had died and gone to heaven...he was happy, plain and simple. That was a nice feeling and Rukawa had never felt this peaceful and contented ever in his life. Sighing, he laid back his cheek on that smooth chest just over the sleeping boy's beating heart - which he knows is beating only for him - and wrapped his arms around his waist tightly, and wondered if they could stay like that forever.  
  
[No. Unfortunately we have to get up and there is still that matter to discuss. I have to be honest with him. Tell him everything and explain my actions.] Glancing at the clock, [4:00 a.m. He'll be waking up soon.] "Mmm.... But it feels so good being here." He softly purred. Then he unconsciously turned his head to nuzzle the smoothness cushioning him with his face. Eyes closed, he felt his nose touched a budding nipple, inching his lips slightly upwards, he licked the tempting bud and sucked gently. He felt the arm around him moved, and then he heard a soft moan escaping his lover's lips. Satisfied with the response, he moved his hand to tease the other nipple.  
  
Eyes still closed and barely awake, the redhead mumbled, "Kitsune what are you doing?"  
  
Not stopping from his teasing, he just said, "Loving you. Why, don't you like it?" He asked teasingly.  
  
Sakuragi smiled at that question. "Hentai, kitsune. Of course I like it." As if to prove his point, he slowly snaked his hand down the kitsune's body - unnoticed by the teasing raven head - while his right hand was busy rubbing the stretched arm that is teasing his right nipple. When his left hand found the smooth side of Rukawa's hip, he started to nudge it towards him and when it got a little bit closer to his left leg, he made his right hand travel to the opposite side of his hip. In position, he then lifted his lover's lower body and unceremoniously drops him on top of his now aroused state. Satisfied with having his lover fully lying on top of him, he then moved his hands up to raise his lover's face and said, "I hope you intend to finish what you started Kaede." Brown eyes twinkled teasingly over the heated azure blue of his lover's.  
  
Rukawa is just drowning from that look, never had he seen this sensual and provocative side of Hana before. Last night, his lover showed him pleasures which had him coming almost at once, yet the redhead knew how to hold him back...to be teased again so that his release would be ten times that of the former. He had wanted himself to be taken by Hana more than he had taken him, wanted to feel him inside, wanted to feel his warmness, but most of all he wanted to feel his realness inside of him. But this morning, he wants it to be his turn... his turn to make love to his boyfriend. [But we still have to talk.] His mind questioned. [Yes, but that can wait till later...for now I just want to love him.] "Don't worry Hana, I intend to show you the pleasures of being loved by me." He said and started showing him what he meant.  
  
***********  
  
"That was some wake up call kitsune. Would you be doing that every morning?" Sakuragi said still trying to regulate his breathing after their heated lovemaking. Turning to face his still panting lover beside him, he watched, fascinated by the warm glow on the blue-eyed boy's face. "You ok kitsune? Guess I was too much for you huh?" He joked while teasingly poking his side, tickling him.  
  
Catching that poking hand, he turned and smiled at his lover, "I never knew you were that insatiable Hana-kun, and you said I was the hentai."  
  
Blushing really hard, he slowly moved to cuddle closer to his boyfriend, "I couldn't help myself."  
  
Wrapping his arms around him, "Hana, can we talk?"  
  
"You wanna talk? That's a first."  
  
"Last night, I thought I had lost you just because I kept my mouth shut. But this time, I won't. I need to tell you something Hana and I want you to hear it from me, not from anybody else. I just hope that you'll find it in your heart to understand me." He said seriously, his arms tightening around the redhead with each word.  
  
Sakuragi had never heard his boyfriend talk this way before. So open, so vulnerable. "Don't worry, you won't loose me again. We'll work things out. You've hurt me yes, and time may come that you'll hurt me again, but the thought of not being with you will hurt me even more. So last night, I made my decision that whatever happens now, I want to face it with you. Together, I believe we can surpass anything. Unless you have another Sendoh hidden somewhere which I don't know about." He tried joking but suddenly he felt Kaede unwrapping his arms around him and made a move to stand up. Panicking, "Where are you going?"  
  
"I have to get something." He said moving towards his bedroom. Seconds later he returned but Hana was shocked to see the kitsune fully clothed. "Can you put something on Hana? I want to talk to you fully clothed, seeing you naked will just distract me." Still surprised, he got up from the bed and slipped on a clean shirt and pants. "Now what?"  
  
"Now we talk." Rukawa moved to sit across him from the bed and held out a box to him.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"I want you to open it. It's my last secret." He just said calmly. Placing the box in front of the unmoving redhead.  
  
Just hearing the word `secret' made him apprehensive from opening it. But looking at the seriousness in those blue eyes told him that this is something important to his boyfriend. Taking a deep breath, he picked up the box and opened it. Inside, there are photos, newspaper clippings and more photos. He is really confused, [what would he want me to see in these?] But suddenly something caught his eye, a locket. Picking it up, he held it in front of him. [There's a picture in front.] Looking hard, [it's a picture of a boy, a smiling boy.]  
  
"Who...?"  
  
"Just look closely Hana."  
  
Complying, he examined the locket again and looked at the picture. There's something familiar about that boy, then suddenly..."kitsune, this is you?" He said looking at the other.  
  
"Yes, that's me...I was 9 years old or so. Keep looking."  
  
Still perplexed, he continued examining the contents of the box. First the locket, [ok so the picture outside is the kitsune...a smiling 9 year old kitsune. He looked kinna cute. Not that he looked less cute right now.] He blushed.  
  
Rukawa noticed that blush and wondered what could make him blush just by looking at his 9-year-old picture? Not saying anything, he just continued to watch him, examining everything with that look of concentration. Standing up he went to Hana's study table and turned on the radio, finding the station he wants, he return to sit across the redhead.  
  
Sakuragi vaguely heard the soft music filling his room; his mind is focused on examining the things in front of him. The locket, upon close inspection, can be opened in the middle revealing a lone picture. A picture of a beautiful woman with hair the color of the night and eyes, [those eyes are the same as the kitsune's!] Then...[this is his mother. But she died when he was still young.] Getting more confused and curious, he returned the locket inside the box and went to inspect the other items. There are more pictures of the kitsune when he was small and a newspaper clipping. [Now why would kitsune keep a newspaper clipping?] Frowning, he read the article and his breath caught in his throat. [This is kitsune ...why ...what?] He read...  
  
10-year old Kaede Rukawa is found guilty as charged for the murder of his father, Shinji Rukawa. Officials who had handled the case said, that the boy was found holding the gun that killed his father and when questioned... admitted for committing the said crime. His relatives and neighbors were adamant in their defense of the boy, saying that he could not do such a heinous act. But all these did not aid the boy during his trial. During his day in court, 10-year old Kaede Rukawa relayed the events that led to his father's demise with calm and cold detachment, as if he is just retelling a story he saw in a movie. There was no remorse nor contrite for his actions in his voice. If possible there was even satisfaction in them. After his testimony, the jury was left in no doubt of the boy's intentions, thus they gave a guilty verdict, locking the boy to his fate. Being under aged, he will be placed under the custody of the state's prison for juvenile delinquents. He will serve 1  
year of community service and will continue his education under the guidance of the prison's qualified tutors.   
  
Sakuragi had re-read the clipping over and over again thinking that he had mistaken reading his boyfriend's name. [Prison... Kaede killed his father? But why?] Then he checked the other pictures. There was one of him, a slightly older one, in a uniform, which undoubtedly was the prison's emblem. His heart ached for his lover. Looking up, he found blue eyes staring intently at him, waiting for his reaction, his mouth quivering from uncontrolled emotion, and his fingers laced tightly together. Looking at the box before him, he couldn't help thinking, how hard it must have been for Rukawa to show these to him. Yet he did. [His last secret. He thought I would leave him because of this? I don't believe kitsune will just kill his father in cold blood. No, it's not just him. Rukawa is many things but not a killer. But what if it's true?] He sighed. [But this is his past, and I think he had suffered enough.] With that in mind, he laid the box aside and crawled to where his lover is  
sitting. When he's within inches apart from him, Sakuragi wound his arms around his boyfriend's waist and buried his face on Rukawa's chest. "I love you Kaede. Thank you for showing them to me."  
  
Rukawa felt as if a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. He looped his arms around Sakuragi's shoulders and buried his face on his neck. He had been so afraid, so afraid to see the disgust in his lover's brown eyes. He was afraid that if he knew of his dark past that he would leave him and never come back. "Hana-kun..."  
  
Pulling away, he softly took his lover's face and kissed the welling wetness gathering in those blue-crystalline eyes. "Hush Kaede. It's ok. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He said in between kisses.  
  
But Kaede took his hands away from his face and turned him around so that Sakuragi was lying with his back on his chest, and his fingers entwined and clasped in front of his redhead boyfriend. "No I want to be honest with you. No more secrets. After today I want everything be laid out in the open. I want to explain everything to you. Why I am what I am. Why I have become the cold and detached Rukawa that people knew and got accustomed to." Hearing nothing from his beloved, he took a deep breath and started...  
  
"That locket was given by my mom. She died when I was about 10. My father killed her. That bastard killed her." His voice is full of anger. Suddenly, he felt the redhead unclasp his fingers and then entwine them with his own and wrapped them around himself. That action soothed his growing anger somehow and he kissed the nape of his lover's neck softly in appreciation. "Thank you Hana." A kiss on his knuckles was his only reply.  
  
"On my 10^th birthday my parents had a huge fight. I was hiding under dad's study table because that's what I usually do when they have their fights. I know mom won't let me see them fight but I always feel that I have to be there, to protect her somehow. My dad had a very bad temper, especially when he gets drunk. I remembered one time, he got home very drunk and when my mom went to him, he just slaps her and told her to stay away from him. Mom cried after that. I always asked her why dad hits her or why she lets him do it, but she just said that my dad just had problems and it was her fault anyway. Being just a kid, I believed her. But that night, they were arguing about something. I remembered my dad saying that he regretted marrying her because he didn't love her. I was really confused upon hearing that. Does that mean that my mom lied to me? No, I refused to believe it that time. I kept saying to myself that my dad loves us. But my mom was pleading him with something,  
curiosity got the better of me so I sneaked a peak and I saw that my dad had packed his suitcase. I heard my mom saying that he can't leave us, that we are his responsibility. But dad was adamant and said that he's fed up and it's time that he find his own happiness. I was paralyzed from where I was hiding, and I was so confused. I didn't know what was happening until I heard a loud noise. Stunned, I immediately went out of hiding and saw that my mom had a gun in her hand."  
  
The redhead turned his head slightly to look at his lover, but the other is just staring ahead, as if he's transported to that time and seeing the whole thing all over again. He stayed silent and just listened.  
  
"My dad was rooted to where he's standing; I guess he was as shocked as I was. Mom only shot the side of the door, I guess it was just for a warning. But the look that my mother gave him meant that, she intends to shoot my father if he so much as step a foot outside the door. I was so scared, I have never seen my parents fight like that. Slowly, I went to my mother and asked her what's going on. She just smiled sadly at me and said that my dad was leaving us for his lover. I didn't understand her then, until later. Sidetracked by me, my mom did not notice my dad when he made a lunge for the gun. Being the stronger of the two, he won the scuffle. My dad smiled like a maniac when he had my mom at gunpoint, and then without even flinching, he pulled the trigger and shot my mom straight to her heart. I screamed, I run up to her and held her hand. She looked sadly at me and whispered that she was sorry and then her hand went limp on mine. I was so mad, so mad at my father. I  
turned around and looked at him and asked why he did it. Instead of feeling remorse over what he did, he had the gall to spit at my mom's body and said that she deserved it. I saw red, I went to him and started kicking him with all my might. But he just pushed me away and hit me hard on my face. He yelled at me saying that it was my fault that got him into that mess, and said I deserved being an orphan. Then, I saw him pick up his suitcase and placed the gun just above the table, without even thinking, I got up... picked up the gun... and then with surprising ease, I squeezed the trigger and shot him."  
  
"Kaede... Kaede..." Hearing his name called, Rukawa snapped out from his memory and stared down to his lover meeting his caring brown gaze. "It's ok, you can stop for now. It's no use dredging up the past anyway. It was not your fault. You were just too young and you were also a victim." Hana said while one of his hand was softly caressing his tensing face.  
  
Turning his head, he kissed the palm that's caressing him. "Maybe I was but, still, I had not felt any regret for what I did and that scared me. During that trial, people kept telling me that it was not my fault, that I was just a kid. But I was not even listening to them. All I could see that time was my dad shooting my mom and him saying that it was my fault. I never even shed a tear when the both of them were buried. I kept my feelings inside bottled up. When I was put in that prison for the juvenile delinquents, I was so scared inside but it didn't show on my face. I was the youngest and they tortured me. I had no one to turn to. No person to call out to help. The nurses who tended my wounds were kind enough to take care of me but that was all. They can't know what the others were doing to me in there. It was horrible, horrible!" He suddenly cried. Tormented with the memories he locked within himself for so many years.  
  
By now, the redhead had shifted their position so that Rukawa was the one half-lying on him while protectively wrapping his arms around his raven head boyfriend. Rocking him gently to shoo away the bad memories. "Let it go Kaede, let it go. It's ok, they won't hurt you, no one can hurt you as long as I'm here. Sshhh..." He softly said,  
  
"They....they...they made me their toy Hana..." He softly said. Shame and disgust filling his voice.  
  
Not understanding what he meant, "What do you mean?"  
  
"There were these two boys, slightly older than me. At first they just laughed and taunted me, calling me pretty boy. I just ignored them and kept silent, but soon they grew tired of my indifference and I heard one of them promised that they would break me. One night I felt one of them place a gag on my mouth and bodily carried me to one of the empty rooms. Inside they tied my hands and feet, I was helpless...couldn't to anything but wait. I thought they would just beat me up. When I saw one of them started undressing - I squirmed and tried to get away but it was futile. They took me right there and then."  
  
The redhead stared at the dispirited expression on his lover's face and felt anger towards the boys who violated him. He could just imagine how horrible it was. He wished he could have been there to protect him, but he couldn't. He can't erase what had happened to Kaede, just like he can't forget that the same thing also happened to him. [But mine was different. I felt pleasured...loved and not really raped.] Tracing a loving caress over his boyfriend's pale and handsome face... "It's ok Kaede." And his brown eyes shone down onto him with love and understanding.  
  
Rukawa's breath caught in his throat as he saw his lover's warm and loving expression. He felt that he did not deserve being loved by someone like him, so trusting, so innocent and so pure. [Pure...] His eyes grew wide and his heart beat frantically as that word popped in him mind. [Pure...but I did the same thing to him like those guys did to me. I forcefully took his innocence from him.] Disgusted with himself, he removed himself from Hana's embrace and went to stand by the window, his back on his lover.  
  
"Kaede, what's wrong?"  
  
Fist clenched tightly on his side, eyes stared blankly outside the window. "I'm just like those guys... I have become what I hated them to be. I took you, I took your innocence because of my selfish need to have you." He said, bowing his head as self-loathing is filling his entire being.  
  
Sakuragi would have wanted to go and comfort him but he feels that Rukawa is now fighting a battle within his own. Instead he just said, "I'm glad that it was you Kaede. I didn't remember being hurt. Please stop punishing yourself with it."  
  
Turning around, "Have you...can you forgive me?"  
  
In his heart, he knows that he has already forgiven him for that but, deep inside there is still that one question, "Why did you do it?"  
  
"I was afraid...of you."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"To understand fully, I need to tell you the rest of what happened to me in that prison. I implore you to be patient with me Hana." He pleaded.  
  
Sakuragi nodded and remained where he was, on the bed.  
  
Turning back to look outside the window. He took another deep breath and closed his eyes. "After that one night, I vowed that I will never let that happen again. Be powerless and helpless under someone else's control. I never allowed them to ever touch me again. I fought and eventually I won, but not without consequences. From then on, I learned to fend for myself, to never to rely onto others and I learned how to be alone. My mom was taken away by my dad. My freedom was taken away when I killed my father. My childhood, taken away by the harsh experience brought by that juvenile prison. All happened in a year. When I left that prison, I was a different boy. I became a loner. Cold and composed outside, never showing what was really hidden underneath. I only lived for myself and I learned to vent my energy on my growing love for basketball. And then, I entered Shohoku..." he stopped. Bridging the gap between them, he sat across the redhead and stared at honey brown eyes.  
  
"Entering Shohoku was just a convenience for me, I never thought that it will eventually change my life."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I met you." He simply said, leaning forward to kiss him. "You were like a ray of sunshine in my rather darken world. But like the cold and heartless person that I become, I shun it away. Telling myself that you were just an idiot redhead who annoys me. But it was never like that... I found myself noticing you, staring at you and even dreaming about you. That got me really mad both at myself and at you. I already said that I won't let anybody enter my life again but there you were, intruding even the silence of my sleep. I can't get your face off my mind. Your face, your bright red hair and those eyes... I loved looking at them. He confessed, his face softening in remembrance.  
  
"You... You liked me even back then? But how...why...? Why didn't you say anything to me?" Stammered the redhead.  
  
Grasping the hand lying close to his own, "Because I was still not aware of my own feelings. I never even knew that I was into guys till I met you. Besides, you only noticed that brown haired girl Akagi. I was so jealous that I hated her." He said.  
  
"I wish I knew." [Then we could have avoided everything that had happened.]  
  
"How could you? I didn't even knew what it was till Sendoh pointed it out to me." He slightly grinned as he saw the redhead's face darken a little at the mention of the name. "You're jealous."  
  
Playfully tapping the raven head's nose with his finger he said, "Of course I am, now wouldn't you be if I even casually mention Fujima's name?"  
  
Now it's his turn to be jealous, still remembering that kiss, "Oh I am jealous all right and I better not find your lips locked with his or our team will be playing without its captain.  
  
"You saw that?" His answer was just a nod. "Well, I did kiss him but just to thank him. He helped me a lot you know. He made me realize something and that eventually made up my mind."  
  
"Which is..."  
  
Tugging at the hand holding his, he leaned close to the raven head's ear and whispered, "That I can't see my life living without you."  
  
"Hana..." Rukawa said and wrapped his arms around his lover's neck to draw him closer for a kiss. When they parted he said, "I love you `aho. I'm glad that I told you about my past. I no longer have to hide."  
  
Inching closer, he laid his back on the other's chest and wrapped his lover's arms around himself. "You feel ok now?"  
  
Rukawa's heart swelled at the redhead's action. "Yes, being able to tell and explain it to you had helped me overcome my demons from the past. Thank you for listening and understanding." He said, leaning down to trail kisses on his lover's neck lovingly.  
  
The redhead tilted his head unconsciously to give his boyfriend more leeway. "Kitsune, you still have not answered my question."  
  
[That night...he filled my senses...his scent and his taste.] Finding the mark he left yesterday, he stopped, [So many things had happened since yesterday, I have hurt him so much that could last a lifetime. How can I make it up to him?] Licking the mark, "I don't think I deserve you Hana, but I can't let you go." He whispered rather sadly.  
  
Impatient, he quickly turned and placed a chaste kiss on his lover's trailing lips and said, "I did not ask for you to let me go Kaede, I only asked why you did it. I also want to know what was Sendoh's part in all this and if you loved him?"  
  
Rukawa had a hard time stopping himself from laughing softly at the redhead's outburst. "To answer your simplest question, No, I did not love him." He felt rather than heard his lover breathe a sigh of relief. "To answer those two questions...they were my last attempt to try and see if I can get out of your growing hold on me."  
  
"Unknowing Kaede, unknowing hold." The redhead roughly pointed out. "Did you feel anything when you were making love to me that night?"  
  
"At first I thought it was just lust. I was physically attracted to you. But when I was touching you and had my first taste of you, I was sucked even deeper. I wanted more and I needed more. I was not thinking, just feeling. I acted on what I felt that time...that time I knew that I have fallen in love with you."  
  
"Even knowing you loved me you chose to be with Sendoh instead?" The redhead choked. Jealousy is welling up on him again and it pains him to think that his lover had not chosen to stay with him. He tried to get up but Rukawa's tightening embrace prevented him to.  
  
"I'm sorry Hana but like I've said, I was not ready to be controlled again. I thought that by being Sendoh's lover I could try and forget you. But it didn't work. Everytime I take him, I was wishing that it was you instead. I kept seeing your face and I even shouted your name but I still fought it. I know I was hurting Sendoh but I didn't care. The relationship was one sided since I was the one controlling the pace of our relationship. After 4 months or so, I left him. I grew tired of fighting with myself, grew tired of denying what my heart and body wants." Burying his face in that glorious red hair, he said "My heart and my body wanted you."  
  
Silence  
  
"Are you mad at me Hana?"  
  
"No, just thinking."  
  
Turning his lover so he could see his face. "About what?"  
  
His expression thoughtful, "How fate had played a painful game with our lives and yet here we are, still together."  
  
Surprised at the words, "Still together...Will you stay by me forever Hana?"  
  
"Forever is a long time Kaede, but if you promise me that you'll love me until that time then, I promise to stay by you.  
  
Kaede's face broke into one of rarest - but now more frequent - heartfelt smile. Instead of answering he turned around and took the locket inside the box and gave it to Hana.  
  
The redhead took it but he didn't know what for.  
  
"Read the inscription at the back."  
  
Hana read, " Forever Kaede's "  
  
Hana's eyes grew wide and his face broke into a huge grin. "You mean this is mine? I get to keep it?"  
  
Kissing his smiling redhead, "Yes, I want you to keep it for me. It's yours as long as you hold my heart."  
  
The sun shining outside the window gave the unlit room an ethereal glow. Enveloping the lovers in its new dawn, a blessing for their new beginning. The sound of a beautiful song being played aptly describing their feelings for each other.  
  
**********************  
  
When visions around you,  
  
Bring tears to your eyes  
  
And all that surrounds you,  
  
Are secrets and lies  
  
I'll be your strength,  
  
I'll give you hope,  
  
Keeping your faith when it's gone  
  
The one you should call,  
  
Is standing here all alone...  
  
And I will take  
  
You in my arms  
  
And hold you right where you belong  
  
Till the day my life is through  
  
This I promise you  
  
This I promise you  
  
I've loved you forever,  
  
In lifetimes before  
  
And I promise you never...  
  
Will you hurt anymore  
  
I give you my word  
  
I give you my heart (give you my heart)  
  
This is a battle we've won  
  
And with this vow,  
  
Forever has now begun...  
  
Just close your eyes  
  
Each loving day (each loving day)  
  
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)  
  
Till the day my life is through  
  
This I promise you  
  
Ooh.. I promise you..  
  
Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)  
  
When I hear you call  
  
Without you in my life baby  
  
I just wouldn't be living at all...  
  
And I will take (I will take you in my arms)  
  
You in my arms  
  
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)  
  
Till the day my life is through  
  
This I promise you baby  
  
Just close your eyes  
  
Each loving day (each loving day)  
  
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)  
  
Every word I say is true  
  
This I promise you  
  
And every word I say is true,  
  
This I promise you  
  
Ooh, I promise you...  
  
***************************************  
  
Gently the blue-eyed boy maneuvered their bodies so that he's lying on top of the redhead, "I promise to show and prove to you how much I love you...everyday till forever."  
  
"Forever. I love you, my kitsune." Smiling up and meeting the loving lips of his raven head lover.  
  
************************  
  
THE END  
  
LOVE AND BETRAYAL  
  
By: YEN  
  
(January 24, 2002 - February 06, 2002)  
  
Notes: Minna, this is the ending. I dunno if you'll like it. It may seem kinna sappy but I am a sucker for sweet endings. Please tell me if I overdid it or something. It is kinna long and maybe a tad too wordy for somebody else's taste. Hope you're ok with this... If you have any comments bout my writing or the way I write or how I write please do so... 


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